Someone who misuses the word "status" as a concrete object in the workplace. This is usually the sign of a micro-manager or someone working their way towards middle management.
Mary: I asked for that report last week. Can I get a status?
Bob: It's almost done
Mary: I need a status on that requisition.
Phil: It should be ready by Tuesday.
Mary: Could you give me a status on the new program?
Alan: Sure, how about "pending?"
Mary: Uh no, I mean... I need to know... Uh...
Alan: What? I gave you a status, you status assassin!
A person that roams the world of Facebook preying on innocent statuses to comment on. In the event of a successful comment, the original status is dead to the world and no one will ever want to comment on it. Mothers and Fathers have most likely perfected this art.
-"hey did you see Tommy make quick work of that status you posted?"
-"Yeah dude, he's a veteran Status Assassin"