| 1. | Party Classifications | ||
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System used for identifying different types of party's or a social get together. An early warning system to provide information about the party prior to arriving. This system measures the ratio of men to woman, as well as probability of authorities arriving on scene to end the get together. Classifications: Stage 1: Party Size: 4 - 6 persons Sex Ratio: 3 Men : 1 Woman Police Encounter: Extremely low Noise: Low to moderate Stage 2: Party Size: 7 - 9 persons Sex Ratio: 4 Men : 2 Woman Police Encounter: Low to moderate Noise: Moderate to high Stage 3: Party Size: 10 - 15 persons Sex Ratio: 4 Men : 3 Woman Police Encounter: High Noise: High Stage 4: Party Size: 16+ Sex Ratio 4 Men : 4 Woman Police Encounter: Extremely high Noise Extremely high Party Classifications Stage 1 - This party sucks!
Party Classifications Stage 2 - This party definitely needs more action! Party Classifications Stage 3 - This party is pretty live! Party Classifications Stage 4 - WOW! Look at all these people! I love it! RUNNN COPS!!! |
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| 2. | 3-stage shit | ||
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A shit that comes in three stages and is super-annoying because of the fact that you have to take a shit three times. Tends to happen after not shitting for a while, eating a big meal, when you are sick, or when you've eaten some crappy food. Stage 1: Normal shit: Comes out looking normal, but all at once. Stage 2: Half-solid shit: Comes out all at once and is only half-solid. Stage 3: All liquid: The shit just pours out of your ass in a shit-smoothie. Ass-washing is required. Damn, I hate taking a 3-stage shit.
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| 3. | Storm Trooper Syndrome | ||
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n. (STS) A form of mental illness in which the afflicted finds storm troopers to be cool. Symptoms include dressing up like a storm trooper often (not just Halloween), branding one's clothing with the Star Wars Imperial logo, joining storm trooper fan clubs, and blowing all of one's money on Star Wars conventions. Subjects often think that their immature fantasies of being a storm trooper actually make them cool. There are 4 stages of Storm Trooper Syndrome severity. Stage 1: Commonly known as being "storm-curious". Lasts from 1 day to 4 weeks. Stage 2: Early Onset STS. Lasts 1 month to 1 year. Stage 3: College STS. (18-23 yrs old) Often thought to be beyond help at this stage. Stage 4: Terminal STS. A progression of Stage 3 STS. Patient has either graduated/dropped out of college, now has a drug dependency and realizes they wasted their college years pretending to be a storm trooper. Often seen sleeping in cardboard boxes. STS is a real condition. If you notice a loved one displaying any of these symptoms get them help immediately. Did you see that guy at the bar last night dressed up as a storm trooper? At first I thought I forgot my Halloween costume, then I realized it was June and that he was suffering from Storm Trooper Syndrome.
Hey do you remember that tall guy from the party? Yeah the one with College Storm Trooper Syndrome. Apparently he wears that storm trooper coat he made everywhere he goes. That homeless guy in the gutter over there, poor guy suffers from Stage 4 Storm Trooper Syndrome. Apparently he wasted his time in college, was banking on being the star of "Storm Troopers the Musical" play was never even written. Now he just tells stories about the Battle of Alderaan, and his escape from the Death Star. |
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| 4. | schizofartia | ||
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Schizofartia Stage 1- When one thinks they have to make a bowel movement but the end result ends with a plethora of farts. Schizofartia Stage 2- When one thinks they have to fart but the end result ends with a need to make a bowel movement. Schizofartia Stage 3 - When one has been through both stage 1 and 2 of Schizofartia they will find themselves waking up in their own fecal matter. Schizofartia Stage 1- When one thinks they have to make a bowel movement but the end result ends with a plethora of farts.
Schizofartia Stage 2- When one thinks they have to fart but the end result ends with a need to make a bowel movement. Schizofartia Stage 3 - When one has been through both stage 1 and 2 of Schizofartia they will find themselves waking up in their own fecal matter. |
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| 5. | awkward antlers | ||
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The Awkward Antlers are also used in conjunction with the Awkward Turtle when re-telling events. The antlers are used in stages with the progression of awkwardness. To express the beginning of awkwardness, raise each index finger and hold them up to your head (stage 1). When the awkward tension starts to build, the antlers begin to waver/shake (stage 2). Then, when awkwardness reaches its climax, suddenly the antlers become all 4 fingers on each hand, sans the thumb, expressing to your audience that things were INCREDIBLE HORRIBLY AWKWARD (stage 3).
(The last stage is usually accompanied by, but not limited to: bulging eyes, anguished expression, gasping, etc.) In the Situation: As you hug your Ex, you do the awkward turtle behind his back.
When Re-telling: "I saw my Ex, John, come into the Party!" *Stage 1 Awkward Antlers* "Then, he called out my name and started toward me," *Stage 2, Aavering Antlers* "All of the sudden, he just leaped on me and began to cry!" *Final Stage 3 Distressed Antlers* |
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| 6. | internet larval stage | ||
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Describing a person who does at least 2 of the following actions while on a computer connected to the internet.
1. Sends at least 3 FWD: e-mail chain letters unsoliticedly on seperate dates, esp. the one about the anorexic girl in a third world country who needs you to spread the message. 2. Actually believes that if they whack the monkey in the banner ad, they will come across a $20 bill from heaven. 3. Goes in to chat rooms, esp. AOL chat rooms and pastes the same message over and over, especially one that fits their agenda. 4. Same as above but posts "Press" (a number) "if you like" (insert unliked thing here). 5. Has installed any software from Gator or any other known malware--actually believing the corporation's speil. "Mom's still in internet larval stage. She's sent me that chain letter many times."
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| 7. | Stage -1 | ||
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A 5.4L Mercedes Benz supercharged motor ("55" Kompressor) that is suffering from the dreaded I/C pump failure. Common on early production years, this allows BMW M's to thrash their Mercedes rivals, causing depression and despair among fellow 55 Kompressor car owners. I was driving that Stage -1 E55, that's why I just lost to that stock BMW M.
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