Top Definition
verb. To "simon birch" someone means that you've timed your bounce on a trampoline so that your friend or enemy's knees buckle and fall. The term originates from that weird midget character named simon birch in the 1998 movie of the same title.
"It took a couple of tries, but my babysitter finally simon birched my ass."
by d'A November 30, 2006
v. To be struck in the head with a baseball and consequently perish.
Person 1: Did you just see that kid's mom?
Person 2: That dyke just got Simon Birch-ed
Person 1: Are you going to the funeral?
Person 2: No.

---------------------------------------------------

*Woman gets hit in the head with a baseball*
Woman: DOH!
*Woman dies*

Birched.
by chomski January 03, 2012
1. A movie that midgets often masturbate to.

2. (verb) "to birch", The act of standing on one's knees to perform a reach-around while pretending to be a crippled midget.

Example:
Bro 1: "My knees hurt."

Bro 2: "Why bro?"

Bro 1: "Because I simon birched your mom last night!"

Bro 2: "Whoa, proper Van Dammage dude."

Bro 3: "My knees hurt too."
by Wilma333 May 02, 2010

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