Q: Dude, you're like two hours late. We already saw the movie. Where the hell were you?
A: Oh, sorry man. I ate two bowls of bran cereal, two bananas and a pot of coffee this morning. I got stuck in traffic on the way here. I couldn't hold it in any more and had a severe shitting incident in my pants. I had to go back home and clean up. My car is disgusting right now.
Q: So, uh, I heard you had an interesting evening last night...?
A: Um, yeah. I had a pretty bad shitting incident at a bar. I suddenly had to go, like immediately. There was some fat asshole pissing in the crapper for about three weeks. I held it in as long as I could. As soon as I got in there, I took off my pants but a pound of crap shotgunned out long before I could sit down. It was everywhere but in the bowl. Some may have hit the ceiling. I had to leave the bar out the back door.