Sammy's ma: Sammy where you goin. Ur never in this house hey.
Sammy: fack sake ma, am just goin do thon car park beside Kentucky Fried Mouse hey.
Sammy's ma: Why ya forever hangin round thon dump wee lad hey.
Sammy: Ma what planet u on then hey. Thars a big sheep shaggin do on thar the night like, hey.
Sammy's ma: Get thon sheep skin coat fram under them thar stairs and take yer wee sister hey.
Sammy: wat fur ma, hey.
Sammys ma: coz i taul ya ta do it and dont ya back cheek me wee lad or i'll tell ur da when he cams back fram tha bog hey.

Q: What do ya call a sheep tied to a lamp post in Ballymena?
A: A leisure centre.

Ballymena chav to his chav mate.
Hey Billy, I gat meself a new girlfriend hey.
Friends reply: What ya call her then Billy hey.
Billy's reply, baaaaaaaaarbarrrrraaaaa
Friend: how ya chat her up then hey
Billy: Get ur wool aff ya fackan sexy bitch coz ur gonna get it tha night hey