(n.) A person who, for all intents and purposes, is hired in a traditional or nontraditional support role in which he or she functions as the gatekeeper for all sexual advances between two consenting adults in a monogamous relationship. Usually, the sexcretary intercepts all initial advances, much like a firewall, and forwards them into a queue to await further action, and, if necessary, determines the importance of the advance in conjunction with other events that may precede it. When two events are juxtaposed, it is through a complex algorithm that only a trained sexcretary understands that determines whether a "spontaneous act of sexual intercourse" will be allowed or denied -- historically, the sexcretary will always deny the first and second attempt in favour of any other event in direct opposition of sex.
Today I wanted to have sex with my partner but their sexcretary said there were no openings until later tonight and, instead, scheduled me for a window between 8pm and 3am.
by liefde suig April 14, 2013
A friend who interviews other people for you as potential sexual partners. Usually in a socially drinking atmosphere with both of you present. Your sexcretary may ask questions either directly or indirectly in either a serious or humorous vein concerning the potential lucky person's dating status, size proportions of sexually exciting anatomy, favorite activities in bed, top/bottom preference, or any other combination designed to make both of you laugh and filter out some potential booty calls.
Go be my sexcretary and ask that chick if she's single.
by jannypie November 18, 2010