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1. arse comedy
A situation when someone inflicts self damage in an idiotic accident and is totally owned, causing people to laugh at their own misfortune.
The man stumbled and fell down the hill rolling into and through a pile of shit, a perfect example of arse comedy
2. inhuman robot of damage
Something that causes destruction solely for the sake of causing destruction. A self-controlled machine of violent destruction whose sole purpose is to smash everything in site and cause utter havoc. Usually colossal in size, humanoid in form, and invented by any of a number of mad scientists living in your, yes YOUR city, bent on revenge for some perceived past wrong.
1. "The Army had to be called in after an inhuman robot of damage (IRD) destroyed 12 city blocks downtown yesterday.

2. "He ransacked the buffet table like an inhuman robot of damage."

3. "I go through essay questions like an inhuman robot of damage!"
3. Self Surgery
When you have some sort of bodily affliction you can fix on your own and you utilize household tools. If you don't have to go to the ER and you can do it on your own.

Personal surgery.

Tools could include using things like butter knives, steak knives, tweezers, scissors, needles, razor blades, finger nails, etc...

I was on a <bender> and ended up with a burn on my leg from when I fell in the bonfire. I have performed self surgery and cut out the burn area with a butter knife; avoiding the perilous emergency room.
4. Dermatillomania
An impulse control disorder in which the person feels the need to repetitively pick at or scratch their skin when they are stressed or anxious. People with dermatillomania usually have very low self-esteem and can also suffer from depression or an anxiety disorder.
She knew she was going to regret it later, but she couldn't stop scratching her arms.

Her dermatillomania was so severe that it had caused tissue damage where she picked at her skin the most.
5. Corpse-Eating Rat
1. Any large rat roughly the length of a human forearm, not counting the rat's tail. Typically of dirty brownish coloration and native to the cold regions in North America such as New York, Canada and even Alaska. Thought to be related to NYC Sewer Rats, Dire Rats and Rodents of Unusual Size. Usually diseased.
2. A common sight and a food staple among tenants renting from Jim "the sex offender" Speedy, usually half-cooked (to save on excessive gas bills since heating his appartments costs tenants a small fortune) over the one remaining working fixture of the 30+ year-old gas stoves in his appartments, and seasoned with the various weeds that can be found growing in tenants' front yards. Killing these creatures takes both skill and bravery, although they are not difficult to locate, and do not need to be hunted in the traditional sense. Typically, a corpse-eating rat will be heard by a tenant attempting to gnaw through a box of freshy purchased pizza or the small cupboard in which tenants are forced to store their meager reserves of food as refigerators rarely work and kitchen cupboards simply proving spaces for the corpse-eating rats and their smaller cousins, mice, to nest. The tenant, usually desperate to protect what little food they can afford due to crippling rent payments as well as payments for repairs when various components of the appartment break due to their inherant shittyness, rushes to i...
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by Jack D. Ripper Aug 2, 2004 add a video
6. literary masturbation
A lot of so-called journalism today is literary masturbation where, instead of researching a subject and writing an informed and stimulating article, the writer has a wank-fest of verbal indulgence expressing their personal opinion. This is forgiveable in the very young who may be playing with language and style and have lived so shortly their lack of experience absolves them from such a waste of words. You have to make mistakes to learn. The real damage occurs when this behaviour lasts past college!
He's too lazy to engage with the subject so he just lays back and verbosely self-indulges - it's a shame, really, because he can string sentences together well; if only they had content....
by Tel Mar 24, 2005 add a video
7. mom
A manipulating, self-centered bitch. EXTREMELY hypocritical and illogical, my mom will do anything to win an argument. She belittles you, makes fun of you, puts you down, all in order to get her point across so she can be the "dominant" one. Sunny and sweet outside, and maniacal and cold at home, she's a backstabbing racist old-fashioned who exaggerates things waaay to much, again, so she can win an argument. I cannot tell her ANYTHING about my life without her critisizing me or making me feel worse. She uses her children to show off to other parents, something she can be proud of and brag over the phone. She's ignorant and superstitious and emotional and lame. I am only grateful for her giving birth to me, and feeding me.

Not all mothers are like this; just a few. I just wanted to post a definition where mom isn't the most wonderful woman in your life.
1) Her: Mexicans and Blacks are lazy.

2) Her: God, your friends are such sluts! They can use tampons already? How can they use tampons, unless their hymens are already broken, meaning they must of had sex! Whores!

3) Her: Look at your sister, sitting in her room, reading a book and studying! Look at what YOU'RE doing.
Me: I read almost everyday and get straight As!
Her: Well, you read too much!

4) Her: You have not accomplished anything this year! You are a loser and you will never make it in life! The only reason you aren't failing at school is because of ME.

5) Her: *nag nag*
Me: Hold on, I'm on the phone.
Her: *continues nagging*
Me: Be quiet Ma, I'm on the phone!
Her: Don't tell me to shut up! Such disrespect! I can do whatever I want to, nag nag...

ONE WEEK LATER....

Me: Mom, I need to go to the library to check out some-
Her: SHUT UP, I'M ON THE PHONE!

6) Her: You cannot dye your hair! Once you do, you will become a bad girl and start having sex with random strangers!
Me: How can hair color determine your behaviour?
Her: Look at all the people who have green hair!

7) Her: You mean the Earth revolves around THE SUN?!?!

I swear, all of these anecdotes are true. She has caused me severe psychological damage; bad self image, low self esteem, depression. I wish I had your mother instead.
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by Mattie May 7, 2005 add a video
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