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1.
Screff is a derogatory term for a contemptible person. There is no set of necessary and sufficient conditions which if fulfilled make a person a screff. The only necessary condition is that the person lacks self-awareness: they are unaware that their actions and behaviour make them a screff. Beyond this condition the only way to explain the meaning of screff is to enumerate examples of people who are screffs. In this way certain ‘family resemblences’ among screffs will become apparent (screff is an example of a Wittgensteinian family resemblance concept). Examples of notable screffs are:

Simon Cowell
Boris Johnson

Sir Alan Sugar
Jordan (a.k.a. Katie Price)
Cheryl Cole
Jamie Oliver
Jamiroquai
Jeremy Clarkson
Richard Hammond

The adjective Screffy can also be used to describe non-persons such as TV shows, films, music, clothes and activities that are associated with screffs.
'Simon Cowell, what a screff!'
'Humvees are proper screffy'
by cocky james October 31, 2010
 
2.
A screff is a derogatory term for a person who lacks self awareness. This is a necessary but not sufficient condition for being a screff. Unfortunately, this is a fairly loose family of meaning (à la Wittgenstein). Being a screff is indicative of being oblivious to one's conditions, unclear thinking, a reluctance to accept the use of logic in argument, participating in one's own oppression, liking inane pop culture, not realising the effect that ones ideology and action will have on other people and a reluctance to look for deeper meanings than the immediately obvious. It is also secondarily used to denote members of an underclass who have been failed by society and as such have adopted some or all of the above traits.

Derivatives: (adj.) screffy
Simon Cowell
Alan Sugar
Jermaine Jenas
Katie Price
Cheryl Cole
Horne and Corden
Jeremy Clarkson

"Why are you acting like a screff, don't you realise what this means?"

(excl.) "SCREFF!"
by The_Hess October 31, 2010
 
3.
A term used to describe an unknown and undesired substance. Usually this substance appears without notice and can be found anywhere at any time, in any colour (commonly brown). Screff dosen't always have an odour although you can't describe it's smell when you do come across some scented screff. In the past has been the cause of mass hysteria and pannic amongst teenage girls and soft lads even though screff despite its genetic make-up is perfectly harmless.
Two teenage girls Sitting in a cafe
Girl 1 looks at girl two's jacket sleeve.

Girl 1- Erm, what's that on your jacket?

Girl 2 - What? Where? What d'you mean ?

Girl 1 -There! That brown thing on your sleeve. What is it?

Girl 2 - Eeeww Oh my god what is it? Where did that come from? Arrr it stinks! What is it?

Girl 1 - I don't know, I just looked down and it was there! Eeeeww

Girl 2 - (calls over to waitress) excuse me do you have any napkins I've got screff on me and nothing to wipe it off!

Waitress - screff? Oh my god!!

(Shouts out to rest of the customers) OKAY EVERYONE CAN YOU ALL PLEASE LEAVE THE PREMESIS THIS IS A STATE OF EMERGENCY WE HAVE A SCREFF CONTAMINATION AND WILL NEED TO BEGIN A DEEP CLEAN IMMEDIATELY!!!!

Girl 2 is restrained by two men in contamination suits and masks. They bundle the girl into a sterilised plastic bubble as customers are clambering over each other in a state of pannic screaming, shouting, pushing and shoving each other through the cafe door!
by Scrott rotter September 07, 2013
 
4.
A playful insult that plays on the word 'scruff'. Origonally created by Nicolle, this word can be used to insult people, but is not mean't to be too harsh
An example would be saying 'You screff!' to someone that has just done something not-very-nice or dirty
by hoborock June 12, 2007