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schaeffer’s new zealand deck sealant 

An ad done by a New Zealand guy who keeps talking about his deck but it sounds like he’s saying dick
“Hey, get that squirrel off my dick! He knows he’s not allowed to come on my dick!” Quote Schaeffer’s New Zealand Deck Sealant guy

ashley schaeffer 

This term refers to a gratuitous back-handed pop in the testicles, as delivered by Ashley Schaeffer to Kenny Powers in the HBO series Eastbound and Down.

It is ordinarily considered bad form to give an ashley schaeffer under most circumstances, however, this rule tends to loosen when excessive amounts of alcohol are added to the equation. It is often hypothesized that male drinking buddies who regularly execute the ashley schaeffer may suffer from unrequited homosexual desires. Either that, or they just have a really sadistic sense of humor. Either way, the ashley schaeffer is rarely funny to the recipient.
The church pastor failed to see the humor in my quick and ruthless delivery of an ashley schaeffer to his holy ballsack. Maybe I should have waited until the sermon was over.
Have you guys been doing schneef?
Also used: schniffles, schnay.
Schneef by JonW May 29, 2003

Hoover some schneef 

When one partakes in the act of inhaling cocaine through the nostril. The "hoover" section of the saying comes from the vacuum brand, while schneef is a variation on the word sniff or to sniff. "Schneef" is slang for cocaine.
I'm so drunk, someone needs to rack up so I can hoover some schneef right now.

I'm surprised we're not hoovering some schneef right now!

schefflasaurus 

(Also known as Scheffler)

Schefflasaurs, meaning "chemistry dog lizard" (from the Greek Scheffler meaning 'gigantic load of homework related ions that growl at people' and sauros/óáõñïò meaning 'lizard'), is a deprecated genus of sauropod dinosaurs.
Person 1: Hey man, wanna chill afterschool?
Person 2: I can't... I've got to deal with a brutal schefflasaurus tonight.
Person 1: I'll get the caffeine pills.
schefflasaurus by sycophant November 22, 2007

Schweffing 

1. The act of sleazily coming on to a member of the opposite sex, often utilising alcohol, ridiculously colourful clothing and eye-watering lines of Austin Powers style calibre, usually delivered in an drawling accent straight-outta Surrey. A Schweffe can be of either sex.
Chap 1: Mate, did you see Georgie schweffing up Charles and the hunt ball last night? He could barely stand straight.

Chap 2: Ya, I tried to get close to ask if he was alright but she kicked me straight in the cock and told me to fuck off.
Schweffing by Ballchops October 25, 2012