| 1. | Schmooze-Bro | ||
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A schmooze-bro is type of collegiate-aged male, often a member of a fraternal organization, defined by his constant schmoozing, non-clever ball-busting, lewdness, date rape of sorority girls and other females with low self-esteem, and general douche-baggery. He is constantly making unwanted conversation and turns everything into a contest. He can be identified by his plain khaki shorts; brown, leather, thong sandals; and fabric baseball caps, (brim worn slightly up and tilted or backwards). Caution: in later stages of life cycle schmooze-bros may take the form of graduate students or professionals. These can be identified by their smart casual style of dress and chrome/silver watches. Yeah, I was at the Royal Palms in Collegetown last night, but there were a bunch of schmooze-bros sitting on top of the booths with their feet on the tables. What a bunch of twats.
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| 2. | Pro | ||
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The Pro is the bro morphed into an older, more determined bro. His qualities are people skills, creativity, and networking, but he no longer uses them to schmooze everyone on campus. Now they are granted positions in the business and frat-banking world by friends of their dads and/or delusional people in HR who actually believe they don't party. more...
Women are intrigued by what "Pros" do all day. They think their job is the hardest thing in the world but it basically involves making spreadsheets(lists), getting paid to attend happy hours, wearing pretentious Hermes ties, and pretending to know big words like "forecasting" and "derivatives" aka living up their managing director's ass. Really hard. The Pro still parties and remains hot. There is nothing we'd rather hear on a date than a Pro complaining about career bullshit, like how he has to wake up at 5 am or how amazing he is for securing a coveted slot on his boss' lunch schedule. As he says this, the mind wanders directly to sex $$$. Pros are ideal for twenty-somethings because they still maintain their aura of cocky bro without actually being one. They get tables at clubs, take business trips to Vegas as VIPs, and can skillfully cut a line. When allowing guys to flirt with you, look for the Pros. They’re the ones who are hot like Roberto from Bachelorette and are motivated like Bradley Cooper in Limitless after he takes his Adderall NZT. Don’t let yourself be 25 still dating a bro. Pros over bros. |
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