Benevelont cartoon character developed by Coca Cola in the early 1900's to help sell children into life-long product devotion. The secret ingredient is not inside the can of "soft drink", it is in the security all Santa devotees feel within themselves when they see the red and white coloring on the outside of the Coca Cola product. Empires are built from the water out.
"Forget oil, people are dying for Coca Cola and the big fat red guy they invented named Santa."
word of the day: December 24, 2006
The fattest, oldest pimp this side of the north pole.
Santa has three hoes. Damn that's jolly.
Santa is a jolly fat white man, who i never belived in because i knew no white guy would come into my hood after dark.
Hey theres santa, catch his fat white ass.
Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of mammoth bones and his own waste. Hurling them at chimp like creatures with crinkled hands, regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so called toys were buried as witches and defecated upon and hurled at predators that were awoken by the searing grunts of their children. It wasn't a holly-jolly Christmas that year, for many were killed...
A warlike race of elves from the tenth planet landed on the ice-encased Earth and were immeadiatly enslaved by the unevolved Santa-ape to make his toys using galatic elven technology. For ever more fancier models, toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train." But these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid, Christmas still sucked in a big way.
Now he is a machine.
In contrast to the cynical mathematical "contradiction" to Santa, there is indeed proof of his existance.
Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish "study."
1. Flying reindeer: As is widely known (due to the excellent historical documentary "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," the flying reindeer are not a previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (a no punches pulled look at life in Santa's village), this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer, obviously the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the reindeer DNA strand.
2. Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern churches (currently called Orthodox Churches) do not recognize the Gregorian correction for liturgical events, and their Christmas is as a result several days after the Western Churches'. Santa gets two shots at delivering toys.
Secondly, the figure of 3.5 children per household is based on the gross demographic average, which includes households with no children at all. The number of children per household, when figured as an average for households with ...
Karl Marx, Lennin, and Poppa Smurf all had beards. 2/3 Are communists. Santa has a beard <i> and </i> dresses in red. He must be a commie.
SATAN spelled wrong due to a mix up at the factory.
Oh shit! It says Santa not Satan...well, it sounds pretty good, and if we cover him up in some big red fur coat nobody will notice!
The biggest dissapoint in a kid's life
That fuckin' Santa wrote me back a letter...he said there was too much fog and he missed my house..again