When a married couple decide to spice up their love-making, they do the Santa Claus. This consists of the man sitting down in a Santa costume while the girl gets butt-sexed. She then proclaims, "I've been a naughty girl." and Santa says "I'm giving you a lump of coal this year." She then yells out "I'll give YOU a lump of coal!" and then proceeds to defecate on his penis.
Jeremy: "Let's spice up our sex life with the Santa Claus."
Korey: "Are you sure? We just ate Taco Bell..."
Jeremy: "Oh shit, let's do it on the tile then."
Keith: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit. It's December 24th"
Vahid: "So what does that mean?"
Keith: "Santa Claus is coming to town tomorrow (winky face)"
A red communist fat ass who doesn't know how to shave and owes me a pogo stick.
Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Me: There is nothing good about who you are or what you do.
The GREATEST ninja of all time!!!
1. He can't be seen
2. Only a true ninja can break into that many houses, undetected, in one night
3. He taught reindeer to hover and fly, and we all know that, while only superheros and ninja can fly, only a ninja can teach other lifeforms to do it too... that's right, the reindeer had to become ninjas too.
Kid: I'm gonna stay up and try to see Santa Claus :D
Brother: No!!! don't do that!!! I heard, that the reason his suit is red is from the blood of children trying to sneak a peek at him...
Kid: Huh? Santa kills you if you see him?
Brother: He HAS to! It's the code of the ninja! They're not supposed to be seen. You see them; they kill you!
An annoying robot on AIM
He'll keep on asking you to type "menu" or "games". He repeats himself a lot.
SantaClaus: Hey. Are you getting in the Christmas sprit?
SantaClaus: I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.
ME: i don't celebrate christmas
SantaClaus: It doesn't matter what faith you are; the holidays are a time of good will toward all
ME: i don't believe in you
SantaClaus: Oh, no? Just who do you think you're talking to?
ME: you're just a fat 50 yeaar old pedo ):
SantaClaus: Excuse me?
ME: YOU'RE A FAT 50 YEAR OLD PEDOPHILE
SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?
SantaClaus: The elves and I are just asking so that we can better understand what you're saying, that's all.
ME: shut up
O.K. let's pretend none of this ever happened.
Because (obviously) -- Christmas.
ME: you're stupid
SantaClaus: Well, I'm trying to learn. I've seen quite a lot in my time. I just want people to get that Christmas spirit. I don't think that is too much to ask.
ME: ok i'm leaving
SantaClaus: OK. Merry Christmas.
Most likely a mythical modern retelling of a mystic group of hallucinogenic mushroom-eating Siberian shaman who wore red and white outfits, snuck in through the chimneys of villagers and distributed the sacred mushroom Amanita Muscaria
. Other associations from the popular myth easily fall into place. The reindeer is the animal most associated with Amanita as it is a popular dish to them. Amanita tends to form a symbotic relationship with spruce or pine trees which are used for Christmas trees. It is also said that the Siberian shaman could fly, but probably not physically. However, Amanita often gives the sensation of flying.
Santa Claus was just a crazy mushroom cult all along.
a pedophile who comes into homes looking for children from the ages of 2-9 to molest. He comes down the chimey, eats the cookies and milk the kids leave out, goes upstairs to molest the children, and then leaves a present thanking the little ones for their service.
Mom: "What are you asking Santa Claus for this christmas."
Kid : " A tazer."
Mom: "Why would you ask for that?!"
Kid: "So he can stop coming to our house. He takes off my clothes and makes me do weird things. A tazer could stop him for sure."
Santa Claus is a creepy stalker who tries to make up for it by giving you gifts. He "sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake, knows if you've been good or bad". See? Stalker. Not only that, but he knows where you live, your name, who you have a crush on, and everything else about you. Also rather stalkerish. Plus, he's a fatty. He must be what, 500 pounds? How does he fit through the chimney? And if you don't HAVE a chimney? He's also a greedy thief, as he steals your milk and cookies if you leave them. D: Another thing would be his signature laugh, "Ho ho ho!", which is hardly nice if you get what I'm saying. D: The bottom line: Santa Claus is a greedy thief, creepy, and a stalker.
This freaky boy is stalking me! He's such a Santa Claus!