Donald discovered that safe sex is not really safe after his girlfriend, Katherine, choked on his condom and died.

EMS: "Sir how did this happen?"
Me: "We were fuckin' and then i had a back spasm and she hit her head from the thrust."
EMS: "Sir, practice safe sex next time and move the bed away from the wall."

Look, those safes are getting it on.

Masturbate you idiot if your that concerned about STD's or pregnancy. Its the safest safe sex you'll ever have

That lunch lady I met at the 7-11 wants to introduce me to her kids. Fortunately, I was practicing safe sex.

"Dude, I need some safe sex with some girl."
"You know the SAFE part isn't going to happen, right?"
"Yeah."

Safe sex, safe ciggarett, we got it all.