Johannesburg. Coolest city in the world.more...
It is the most dangerous city outside of a war zone. It has the friendliest people in the world. It can both take away and restore your faith in humanity on the same day.
The Northern Suburbs are so green that they're one of the largest artificial forests in the world (just drive north on the M1 past the St.Andrews street bridge, and all you see is trees to the horizon, with a few buildings sticking out at Sandton, Rosebank and Randburg).
In Joburg the traffic cops take cheques and the minibus taxis and nightclub bouncers are run by the mafia.
Beggars at the traffic lights earn more than doctors and roadside hawkers actually go onto the highway in rush hour. The streets change names 3 times a year and the baggage handlers at the airport are more likely to open your bag and replace your digital camera with a kilo of cocaine than not.
Every second street is closed for roadworks and the Gautrain (due to be completed in 2011, but will probably only be ready in 2014) will be Africa's first subway.
A major landmark is a huge soccer-ball shaped balloon tethered to the ground, with a restaurant on it, right next to a shopping centre that looks like a medieval Italian town.
Even your guard dogs, security guards and the police are not safe from the criminals, and Kyalami is the biggest equestrian suburb in the world.
Edenvale is Chinese, Bruma is Lebanese, Cyrildene is Jewish, Kempton Park is Russian, Hillbrow is Nigerian.
There are ...
1. fucking real hard
2. studying real hard
3. actually drilling. if you don't know what
drilling means.. go check wikipedia or something..
guy#1: dude, i drilled Cindy so hard yesterday
guy#2: nice! high five!
guy#1: after i had drilled Cindy, i really drilled on those textbooks.
guy#1: god damn roadworks, the drilling kept me awake the whole night.
An absolute bum-hole of a town (yes I said town, Leeds is a city!) full of roadworks, dickheads, burglars, druggies and knobbers.
The best plan that Bradford council had for one corner of the town was to knock it down. Which they did.
Now the best idea they are currently building is a pond in the centre of town, which one week after the fanfares and grand openings of it, will be full of crisp packets, used johnnies and dead tramps. Quite how the planning is improving things, we don;t know, but it certainly has help shift the European anti-depressant mountain thanks to all the depressed souls littering the town.
You want somewhere nice to visit? Go to Leeds or Halifax. Want to see a basement that has taken 3 years to build or the remains of a dead beggar next to a skip? Come visit the sights of 'sunny' Bradford
What the fuck are we doing here? It's shit in Bradford!
Self-Appointed Road Police.
Wannabe police officers that drive in an obstructive manner believing it is their job to "police" the way you drive.
1) Refusing to move over from the overtaking lane to let you past because they are already travelling at the speed limit and so deliberately block you from going any faster.
2) At roadworks where a lane is closed they will position themselves in the 'closed' lane several miles before the cones to force everyone to queue in a single file believing that the queue will move quicker. This is despite the fact that signs have been placed along the roadside specifically telling everyone to zip merge in turn where the cones start.
British roadworks (aka Sadistic Bastards). Closing off multiple primary routes of traffic for 90 days to trim the verge, forcing the traffic load of a small town like London to use a single lane bridge to commute. Also using diversion tactics that will see someone travelling from Birmingham to London visit the Norwich coast.
Sorry I'm late for work since yesterday, it's the cluster fuck.
A small town on the Isle of Man. Named #42 in the 2012 Crap Towns Roundup, just above Fucksgrove.
"I hate being from Arsefacey" "Could be worse, you could be a Fucksgrove guy"