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1. Stiffer than a preacher's cock up a calf's ass
A description of the state of rigor mortis, usually in a victim who has died where discovery of the death is delayed until after rigor has commenced

A reference to a rural belief that some members of the clergy frequently have anal sex with farm animals, particularly young calves
"They found him dead out in the woods. He was stiffer than a preacher's cock up a calf's ass."
2. Ring Boner
The inflation of a person's ego from obtaining new ringtones!
I don't understand getting a Ring Boner from buying ringtones. I get mine for free.
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