Church: Ya, I'll let 'cha in on a little secret. I've ah, I've actually got a girl back home.
Tucker: Oh ya? Girlfriend or wife?
Church: No, man, she's just my girlfriend. You know, we were gonna get married, but I got shipped out, and, ah, you know how it works.
Tucker: Oh, well, are you gonna marry her when you get back?
Caboose: I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Church: Hey rookie, did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: Naw, I think he just called her a slut.
Church: I'll tell you what noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I've got an a much more important job for you to do.
Church: See, we got this General..
Tucker: Right, the General guy.
Church: Who likes to come by, and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention. Just incase he decides to come by.
Caboose: When is he stopping by?
Tucker: We never know, could be today, could be a week from now.
Caboose: You want me to stand at attention for a week?
Church: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag.
Caboose: What's so important about the flag?
Church: Oh come on, don't they teach you guys anything at training?
Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?
Church: Because it's the flag. Man you know the it's the flag. Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.
Tucker: Well it's-it's complicated. Its blue, we're blue.
Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the general comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.
Church: So just go in there you know faraway from us and wait for him.
Caboose: How will I know when I see him?
Tucker: There's only three of us out here, rookie, he's the one new guy that doesn't look like one of us.
Church: Now get in there and don't come out. Man, that guy is dumber then you are.
Tucker: You mean, he's dumber than you are.
Church: Wow, Tucker, that was a great comeback
Caboose: Uhh.. Mr. Church sir!
Church: Oh my god. WHAT? Tucker I swear I'm gonna kill him.
Caboose: Sorry a-about calling your girlfriend a slut.
Church: ROOKIE! SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY GET IN THERE!
Tucker: Hah hah hah ha
Church: Tucker, are you laughing at me?
Donut: Excuse me, sir. Can I ask you a question?
Church: Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around and you are not inside... I- I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you.
Donut: What did I do?
Donut: Aw.. give me a break.
Tucker: Freelancers are independent they’re not red or blue. They’ll fight for who ever have the most money.
Caboose: Like a mercenary
Tucker: Right. Or like your mom, when the rent is due.
Caboose: Oh that’s funny.
Tucker: Ya you didn’t think that was to obvious
Caboose: No, no not at all it was good.
Church:Tex walked up to him, pulled his skull out of his head, and beat him to death with it.
Blue:Wait a second...how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible.
Church:That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.
Jimmy:THIS DOESN'T *WHAM* SEEM PHYSICALLY *WHAM* POSSIBLE!
Sarge : "What? Oh macaroon, he's not sleeping son, he's dead."
Caboose :" Oh good, at first... I thought that was me... Because, I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that can not be me... that would be silly."
Caboose :" It must be nap time. But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after... I think these people are just making up times!"
By the way, Sarge is right. There is no motion capture in Red vs Blue. Take that, Prof Chaos!
Is this Blue Command?
Oh, yeah, man! Sure! Totally! What's going on?
You sure? The Blue Command Base?
Hey dude, take it easy. You called me. I didn't call youuuuu....
Vic-can do sarge, ill have the air team target the blue forces now. ill just fax you the airstrike requisition forms.
sarge-We can't! i used some of the parts from the fax machine to make Simmons 2.0!
Simmons-(internet noises) Woah...must have been something I ate
Grif-Simmons, why is there paper coming out of your ass?