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28.
A contemporary jam band contrived of four musicians, plodding along with guitars, keyboards, drums, bass, and voice, containing "lyrics." Ironically, despite rampant allegations of creative genius, these perpetual noodlers are a regressive bore, with their roots firmly entrenched in the already explored and conquered vein by a forty year old jam band called (the)grateful dead.

If length were the yardstick of musical greatness, these silly men are the Ron Jeremy of jam bandom. Unfortunately for them and their fans, it isn't. Where Grateful Dead were a respectable band charting new musical territory while hitch-hiking the social torrent of the 1960's, Phish are an evolutionary hangover of that scene; an appendix, floating there aimlessly amidst the rest of the musical organism, only to hemorrhage on the unsuspecting college student.

These fans fall into either one of two stereotypes with 98% reliability. (The other two percent, although statistically negligible, are generally people that have errantly meandered into a group of Phish fans, having been the accidental beneficiary of a contact high. They follow the sheep looking for Doritos.

Type A: This Phish fan comes from the bowels of baby-boom parents. There is a strange and disconcerting melange of Benjamins and tie-die, patchouli and birkenstocks. They arrive at college in a Volkswagen Jetta fitted with a ski-rack, and they will smoke mercury (Hg) as long as you remind them that it is "natural." Fronting the failed idealism of "peace, love, and happiness," these people are like a badger in a dishwasher (on) when confronted with actual hardship. Not so loving, indeed. (To witness what a cognizant human being deduces from this mentality, read the lyrics of "Common People" by Pulp).

Type B: This type is equally offensive in odor and candor, however lacks the ability to establish an actual friendship. They want your drugs. Everything else is inconsequential.

Many fans cite grandiose concert performances as another crucial perk of the Phish experience (e.g. hot dog suits and sparkles, sometimes even balloons and disco balls (!). These, of course, are convenient distractions to the painful reality that you are listening to an eighteen minute circle-jerk lubricated with hashish and patchouli (dirt). A Phish show is an Auschwitz of terrible guitar tone and stupidity, albeit with fewer ashes (not by many) and with corpses that move slightly more.

Fact: The lyrics of this music will decrease your I.Q. score 13 points (+/-2). Do not attempt to comprehend Phish "lyrics." Do not confuse these "lyrics" as anything besides the comparable babble of a toddler with a annoying and terminal language disorder.
"Isn't Phish the best band in the..."

*PUNCH TO PHISH FANS FACE*

by honeybadger May 13, 2008
66 200
 
1.
Real Rock N Roll, not a tatoo and piercing teenage angst band, the real deal, they play instruments, and their concerts are filled with love, not broken bones from the mosh pit. Phish is ROCK N ROLL
"Phish can destroy your favorite band on stage."
by anonymous August 08, 2003
1474 561
 
2.
a. Pure Musical Bliss
b. The perfect mixture of light, sound and style.
c. Four phunky white boys who know where it's at.
d. The most fun you can ever have.
I am really going to miss Phish. Thank you for a ridiculous amount of good times.
by mbk November 20, 2004
1102 315
 
3.
A band that people with little musical taste and smaller minds try to convince themselves is awful because they have no concept of what music could or should be. These simple minded fools should learn about music (chord structure, accidentals, time signatures, scales, etc.) and then they would understand Phish's brilliance. Too bad these morons waste their time listening to crappy metal bands that can only pound power chords with tons of distortion, beat the shit out of crash cymbals, and scream like they are on the receiving end of a colonoscopy, which they probably enjoy.
Phan1: Phish is probably the best band in the world. The musical composition of their works is incredibly complex and technically difficult. Their concerts are amazing and never the same, because they are proficient enough on their instruments to be able to improvise. Their songs are amazing and never the same, because they can remember more than four chords without having to get a tutor. But don't worry buddy, just because you can't understand the lyrics, it doesn't matter. When you get past fourth grade, I'm sure you'll start to understand what they mean.

Metal Man1: Hey man, there are lots of 26 year olds in fourth grade. You got any Marlboros?
by Phanatic September 13, 2005
903 434
 
4.
i must re-iterate that Phish can destroy your phavorite band on stage.
comprised of phour incredibly talented muscicians
Page McConnell - Pianos
Trey Anastasio - guitars
Mike Gordon - Bass
Jon Fishman - drums

Phish sucks you say? Phuck you
AC/DC bag is Phish's greatest song
go listen to it.
by Pokemonfreak1231 December 19, 2004
694 301
 
5.
A band that preaches love and happiness rather than hating your parents and fuckin' bitches. Kind of like Jesus.
No Moshpit Zone.
by kaji February 29, 2004
688 337
 
6.
words can't describe what Phish can do on stage. for the people who bash them... they don't have the right mindset. And that's good... because we don't care.
by anonymous July 18, 2003
539 213
 
7.
Oftened generalized as "granola rockers" or as the band that picked up the mantle of the Grateful Dead, The music of Phish draws from styles and genres including rock (in its loosest sense), jazz, blue grass, funk. Phish has been known to perform in wetsuits, on flying hot dogs, with gospel choirs and using a vacume cleaner.

Phish is, first and foremost, a jam band. Concerts are made up of long periods of instrumental rocking and chord progression manipulation and expansion whereas studio versions of songs more often list more "filler" songs (although they are still good) and shortened versions of the huge concert warhorse pieces.

Phish is:
1) Trey Anastasio (Lead vocals, Guitar)
2) Mike Gordon (Bass, Vocals)
3) Page McConnel (Anything with a keyboard, Vocals)
4) Jon Fishman (Percussion, Vacume Cleaner)

Phish sampler songs (to get you into the band)
1) Run Like An Antelope
2) The Squirming Coil
3) You Enjoy Myself
4) Divided Sky
5) Mike's Song

In parallel to their beloved band, Phish fans have a reputation for carrying the mantle of the Dead Heads. This includes following there band on tours, setting up shop in the parking lot, partaking in anything that might enhance the concert experience (particularly, Marijuana, Ecstasy, LSD). Phans, as they have come to be known, can come from any background though. Neo-hippies and those of us who tend to conform a little more can unite at a Phish show. The sense of brotherhood and unity is welcome to anyone who can appreciate good music.

Phish stopped playing after their farewell tour Summer of 2006 that culminated in a final show at Coventry, Vermont.
"Mom did you steal Billy Breathes again?"

"Here, let me pass you the bong so I can get out Picture of Nectar."

"We were stuck in traffic on the highway for hours trying to see Phish at the Great Went!"
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