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8.
Someone who makes a living out of thinking. What they essentially do is create "constructs" and boundaries for what can and cannot be thought or what is or what is not acceptable behaviour.

Their job is to make a construct that is acceptable to the largest number of people so that we don't go nuts killing each other.

That's the BEST they can do. And usually they suck at it because there's always a good deal of people smart enough not to fall for that bullshit.

It's arguable that if there were no philosophers to conjure up bullshit "social contracts," we'd all learn to get along fairly peacefully anyhow. In reality no rules for life do exist and we all get along pretty fucking well.

So essentially they are a bunch of (usually old) wankers blowing wind up each other's asses.
David Hume, Heidegger, Nietzsche, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, and a medley of other asshats can be considered "Philosophers".
by Aihkeem Dawnerface March 22, 2009
 
9.
Someone who wasted the money their parents paid to get them through college.
I majored in philosophy, would like fries with that?
by Betterthanyouguy November 10, 2004
 
10.
1. In ancient Greece, it refers to one who attends symposiums, in the guise of thinking, to drink with friends, speak of pederasty, and generally makes a fool of himself.
In Plato's symposium, it was less of a scholarly discussion, and more of a drinking party where they talked about pederasty.

or

As far as philosophers go, Socrates was a drunk old pederast.
by Bega October 27, 2005
 
11.
A study of though of which there are 2 Arch Types,

Realist Philosophers: Asks not why, but how

Bull****er philosopher: Spends all day asking.....whyyyyyyy?

There may exist a counter balance of the 2 but these findings are inconclusive.
"Confucious was a realist philosopher, you are a bull****er"
by Some guy named Dalsus October 08, 2006
 
12.
The academic equivalent of a guru.

A guru scams you by feeding you metaphysical horse crap and all he wants in exchange is for you to give up all of your worldy possessions and follow him but since you'll be giving up all of your worldy possessions,why not sell them and give the proceeds to the guru?

Whereas a philosopher is pretty much in the exact same business except the scam is to sell books.
I fucking hate philosophy and philosophers.
 
13.
The worst kind of person. The person that doesn't do anything, but just thinks about things.
Carpenter: I built a house.

Doctor: I saved a woman's life.

Scientist: I've designed the missle defense system our country uses.

Philosopher: I've decided I do exist.
by bored at work at 2:20 pm January 25, 2008