Just recently I posted the following note very low on my refrigerator door.
"Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a
ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the
other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough."
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on
the front door:
"TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't (2) If you don't want their hair on
your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters
who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4)
normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't
hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't
want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get
pregnant, you can sell their children."
- Is there anything interesting at the pet store?
- Yep, there are a couple of alligators on sale.
fondling, stroking or caressing gently of one's partner prior to the intercourse
Mmm, all this petting is making me horny.
A nickname for the person in whom you have a strong affinity for.
My pet, how I adore thee.
referring to someone of interest to you.
Hey Pet, can you bring me something?
In BDSM, usually describes a sub who wants to take orders from a master or mistress. A Master/pet relationship generally a more affectionate or loving than with a Master/slave relationship.
My pet loves to be ordered but we both love eachother like a dog and it's master. I order her to suck my cock every night and we cuddle together as we sleep <3
"I love you pet <3"
"I love you too Master <3"
a living thing which used for recieving commands and fondness of its owner.
The pet I kept gave me a lot of pleasureness, satisfaction, and whimsy.
Post ejaculation trauma.
The period of intense regret a guy aften feels immediately after ejaculation. It's intensity depends upon what he was fantasising about / fucking / watching immediately prior to ejaculation.
1. "I was jacking off to some hardcore GGG bukakke porn but as soon as I came the PET kicked in big time, that shit is disguisting"
2. "Hey did you nail that fat chick last night, you seemed to be well into her?"
"Yeah I was, but had instant PET and had to get out of there, she was rank"