"Like this: I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
"I don't get it"-
"Okay, how about: Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."
"You mean, something like: I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.”
"If I am reading this graph correctly – I would be very surprised." — Stephen Colbert
"If you are going through hell, keep going." — Winston Churchill
"I sleep 8 hours a day. And at least 10 at night." — Bill Hicks
'A witty paraprosdokian there, my good fellow,' said the other.