If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.


There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.


Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.


There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.


Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.


The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.


Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.


Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.


Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacifi...

It is a religion in which we believe in:
we have a zombie jesus named Marvin.
Our leader is Marvin, not god, leader.
you may know him as the zombie jesus. Marvins
date of birth is not known because honestly
no one knows a person is a jesus when they are
born. Marvin was a male who was a sexy mother
fucker, he lived his life to the fullest, when
in his 20's (during the 80's) he drank alcohol,
went to lots of shows,fucked as many women as
possible and did what ever the fuck he wanted.
which is why we do not tell you not to do
many things, there are only a few no nos.Marvin
died, and was reincarnated the following year on
the date of his death he killed many people
but was brutally murder with a shot gun.

There will be zombie apocalypse which we call
zomb-aclypse.when is unknown but what will
happen is all dead believers in zombic will
arise and eat till they explode,literally.
and all living believers in zombic will not
be harmedand when the die, many years later
there will be another zomb-aclypse which they
wil participate in.

When meeting another zombic feel more then welcome
to use our secret password. (om nom nom nom)
when engaging in conversation. not only is
it a funny word.but it also ressembles the
sound of zombies eating stupid people brains.

Please remeber that zombies only eat
stupid people brains only because all the
smart people learn to stay away from the zombies
and are most likely zombic, but all the idotic...

Official Girl Code.
The strict guidance lines that every girl/woman MUST follow in order to be accepted into everyday society.

Any rulebreak is punishable by bitching from fellow females and general looking down upon... (note rules are not in order of importance, bar rule #1)

1# Rule no 1 and the MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.. No girl may date her friend's; exs, past crushes, guys who have humiliated/used her and guys she currently fancies... Do this at your own risk biatch!! Acceptions to rule: a) Your friend has given you permission/ couldn't care less. Unless they say that they couldn't care less with that tone, and then it is absolutely forbidden. b) The said fancying/going out happened before the age of puberty.

2# It is perfectly acceptable to take an automatic dislike to a girl/ judge them without ever speaking to them.

3# Chocolate is an accepted food in any occasion.

4# A girl has a right to lie in order to keep a secret told to her by her best friend.

5# When complimented by a friend it is your duty to find something to compliment her back on… whether this be straight afterwards or stored for later on in the day

6# It is your womanly right to give dirty looks

7# Being friends with your friends arch enemy/people your friend hates is a shady area… if you are to do this you must keep the said arch enemies/hated people friendship with you on the d- low

8# If your friends new boyfriend is hideous or lacking in the looks department when asked your opinion of him it ...

Worse than an epic fail.

Septic fail comes from a mix of Epic Fail and Septic Tank.

(a septic tank is used to store/dispose of human waste. in place of a sewer)

Septic Fail is to be used in extreme cases only.

terminology may vary,

(in fail order)

fail
epic fail
septic fail
super septic fail

nasty septic fail
super nasty septic fail
epic septic fail

and finally

super epic, mega septic stink-nasty fail

adj, adv. Awesome, indie, cultured, deep, alternative, counterculture.

In order to be considered indiecool, one must be cultured, appreciate great ideas, and know a lot about something (veganism, HP, theatre, politics, etc).

Indiecool activities include, but are not limited to: reading literature, listening to indie music, utilizing an extensive vocabulary, dressing up in themed outfits by era, cooking vegan food, having an e-crisis, appreciating great thinkers, being eco-friendly, promoting human rights and equality, viewing museums and art galleries, drinking coffee and/or tea, being ironic, debating, analyzing everything for philosophical messages, enjoying class and planning to get/having a university degree (unless you're a starving artist).

Indiecool occupations include, but are not limited to: starving artist, egalitarian politician, jazz musician, craft blogger, history professor, United Nations translator, Geek Squad guy, bartender, librarian.

When not questioning their own existence or the absurd, indiecool kids occasionally have their own current of personal elitism. T...

A Poo Rag is a sad individual who spend the majority of his free time residing at home. Usually referring to a he, this indicates a person who often smells of shit and whom eats vast quantities of fatty take-away food. Often being greasy and unkept, Poo Rags endure insufferable volumes of hatred and abuse throughout their lives, however this is not to say they do not deserve it, as they are generally assholes, and when they build up the confidence to speak freely and people see them for what they really are they quickly revert back to crushing their confidence. They have enormouse moobs which they should never reveal - this often results in them being unable to visit public swimming baths. Poo Rags are unable to hold down social lives, be it friends, girlfriends or even holding the respect of their own families. Poo Rags perform sickening and sometimes illegal sexual acts with animals and inanimate objects, some examples are as follows:
1. Poo Rags may smear their penis in dog food, then set their dogs free on it to provide sexual satisfaction, much akin to a blowjob
2. Poo Rags spend months or even years practicing stretching in order to perform oral sex on themselves
3. Inserting their penis in the rungs of a radiator and rocking forward and back until a climax is reached
4. Inserting sharpie markers up their anus
In terms of advice useful to your own everyday life - stay away from Poo Rags.

♦ Where people live who drive an hour to a well paying job.

♦ Where your neighbor's house is 100 ft from your own and both are 50 meters (164.041 feet) from the road.

♦ Where gated communities are built with 2 acre lots and the homeowners association is constantly in fear of non-conformity and people using that land to grow their own food as well as any landscape which is reverting to it's natural state.

♦ Where your neighborhood centers around a golf course and the closest retail is 4 miles (6.43737 km) away

♦ Where your zip code's tallest building rises 2 storeys and the population density never goes beyond 1,000 people per square mile.

♦ Where rich white people go in order to avoid ethnic minorities, same thing w...