only if bro does 

an expression commonly used to express that one will only do something if the Bro does.

"yo, are you gonna go to that dance with those skanks?"
"only if bro does."

only if bro does by mr. malaka January 28, 2009

if and only if 

A term used by mathematicians and logicians to indicate that something happens under very specific conditions. Often seen in proofs and theories.

1) The sum a geometric sequence is given by a/(1-r) if and only if |r| < 1.

2) In a bar:
dumped guy: "My girlfriend left me because I told her I loved her!"
other guy: "What a bitch!"
dumped guy: "No, it's all my fault, she's a mathematician, and I should have said 'I love you and only you'".

if and only if by berkanator September 6, 2005

It's only gay if your balls touch 

Some heterosexual men, in a two-male-one-female threesome, will avoid the sexual position "DP sandwich" because there is a good chance that one guy's dangling and swinging balls will rub against the the other guy's balls, creating gay pleasure and thus making the sex gay. The woman, to help the guys overcome their gay fears so that she can get what she wants, will encourage them by saying that the sex would only be gay if their balls touched.

Woman: C'mon guys, give it to me! At the same time! I'm so horny.
Man 1: No way, that's totally gay.
Man 2: Yeah, that's gay.
Woman: What is this, the Rocky & Bullwinkle show?! C'mon guys, think about it, it's only gay if your balls touch.
Man 1: (To Woman:) OK, maybe you're right. (To Man 2:) But I'm going to be on top because I don't trust you and your low-hanging balls.
Man 2: Sure, man, whatever.

It's only gay if your balls touch by EmptyMeter April 25, 2017

It's only gay if the balls touch 

The only way to stop anyone from calling you gay without ending them with a single blow

Frank: you have the gay cuz u sex with man

Joe: it's only gay if the balls touch
Frank: uhh *the think* I guess u alright for now

*two people walk out of that conversation alive instead of one*

It's only gay if the balls touch by BOB12634 March 12, 2018

it's only queer if you're tied to the pier 

Derivation: U.S. Navy slang. An entreaty used by a desperately horny male sailor to get another male sailor to engage in clandestine sexual activity for the purpose of mutual release. Based on the theory that when two guys on a ship with no access to females have sex, they are not gay, but just helping out a shipmate.

HT2 Betz: "Dude, if you jack me off, I'll jack you off."
AO2 Griffin: "No, way, man! That's gay!"
HT2 Betz: "We've been at sea for three months, and we won't see Pearl for another three. I'm just saying help a shipmate out. After all, it's only queer if you're tied to the pier."
AO2 Griffin: "Yeah, I guess you're right. We could go to the chain locker..."

it's only queer if you're tied to the pier by redwoodempiredev June 24, 2008

It's only gay if your balls touch 

A reasurance used toward to guys who are about to, or who you wish were about to, engage in homosexual activity. With just eachother, or with you as well.

It's not true, of course, as simply doing something with someone else can't change who you're attracted to, but with dudes being so afraid to be gay, it's worth a try.

It's also just funny.

Shane: "No way"

Kyle: "Y..yeah"

Figure.10: "Aw.....but remember, it's only gay if your balls touch!"

It's only gay if your balls touch by Figure.10 May 27, 2009