Oakland County: Located in southeast michigan, where drugs, sex, and alcohol are a vital part of reality. Where kids learn superficiality in both the amazing public schools and the overpriced private acadamies, where you can charge a slice of pizza on plastic, spend your weekends at Somerset and on Old Woodward, where there are more country clubs than supermarkets and more hookah bars than gas stations. The houses wrap around entire streets, porche driving soccer moms pop their collars, and nobody even cares about the west coast (although the summer homes are nice). It's where the only thing we have more of than money is drama, where kids are all about drugs because they don't know what else to buy, and where finding a virgin in the high schools is like finding a needle in a haystack, where we drink faygo pop, drive GM, Ford, and Chrysler cars, eat Better Made potato Chips, and go to Windsor on the weekends, just because we can.
Only the oakland county girls can pull off an east-coast tailgate and then actually understand the football game.