An instrument aiding the execution of the common house fly.
damnit its another fucking fly ruining my general eating experience, here pass me that newspaper...*big chase ensues* WHAP... damn straight its dead.*picks smeared remains up off cupboard door*
A homeless person's blanket.
Tyrone prefers the LA Times newspaper to the Daily News newspaper to keep himself warm at night.
1. A pastime for people while taking a shit.
2. To read the newspaper is a euphemism for taking a shit.
Oh crap...hold on, guys, I gotta go read the newspaper.
*toilet water splashes*
A pre-internet (i.e. ancient) current affairs blog that featured spell check and editorial standards. Occasionally they might run issues (postings for those who are not fluent in grandpa speak) featuring commentary and reactions by people who might write in complete sentences and direct their statements to something called an editor (this word is not available in Webster's .8).
"Hey man, check out the low res images they have on this free tablet they are giving out at the bus stop."
"Dude, its stuck on this one program. It might be broken"
"Wait, I think this is one of those things my dad keep telling me about...you know, a newspaper."
A publication that an attractive woman under the age of 40 does not read.
Hot chicks don't read the newspaper; unless they're looking at the Macy's ad.