John: What in the hell... *yawn*... who's calling so late?!
Phyllis: John! My goodness, have you heard? HAVE YOU HEARD?! Oprah just announced she's quitting her show! 25 YEARS!
John: Uh... gah, is this Phyllis again? Do you really have to call so late?
Phyllis: It's Oprah! This is, like, a historic moment! I just couldn't bear the thought of you waking up to it in the morning, having to deal with it all alone.
John: Listen, Phyllis, I know I've always called you my friend, but no longer. *hangs up*
John's wife: Phyllis, right? Jeez, she's a real newsance.