ned
the male: usually very thin, wearing a berghaus jacket, trakies tucked into socks, cheap(fake) lacoste trainers, hair that looks like it could land a plane, uaually stoned and drunk(oot der heed man) and would shag anything with a pulse as long as she is a nedette
the female: either very fat or very thin, face that has been plastered with a brand of foundation that has been produced from the tango factory, wearing very little clothes that show off the eight month old bump, wearing three or more fake gold rings on every finger, at least two 3" thick chains sportin someone elses name and usually found on the end of a male neds cock.
similarities: are usually found standing on random street corners drinking cheap alcohol called buckfast or md 20-20, every second word is fuck or some other random word that is intended to offened but no one knows what it means
look at dat big mad scary goff man, am gonnae chibb u ya baw, aye a fucked yer maw last night n she wis luvin it man
by kaz n kisp August 12, 2005
ned
A Scottish term for the often uneducated and invariably aggressive teenagers found throughout Britain. Identified by gold jewellery (especially sovereign rings), baseball caps, white trainers and/or Kappa/Burberry branded clothing. The name is thought to derive from 'Edward', as in teddy boy. It is in no way an acronym for "non-educated delinquent", which is in any case ungrammatical.
"A bunch of wee neds broke in last week and vandalised the place."
"Fucksake."
by Potatojunkie February 07, 2005
NED
Northeast Drunk. An alcoholic resident/semi-transient denizen of Northeast Minneapolis.

They once thundered across the post-industrial Nordeast wasteland in great numbers, but gentrification and the closing of Sully's bar have severely curtailed their numbers in recent years.
Typified by the wearing of trucker caps, having of grimy beards, nicotine stained fingers, and less than optimal dental counts.

Northeast has a long and storied drinking tradition, but the beginning of the modern NED era can be traced to the closing of the Grain Belt Brewery in 1976.
NED :"I used to work at the Grain Belt Brewery. I'm waiting for the place to open up again so I can get my job back."
Me, on bus:"Didn't that place close like 30 years ago? And isn't it now a library and condominium?"
NED:"They can make it a brewery again."
ME:"Well, good luck."
NED:"Spare anything for some Natural Ice?"
by nedjr January 17, 2011
The Scottish government's attempt at growing a totally loyal army of luminous teenagers who self - destruct after 20 years of illegal substances / women. Speak in own dialect derived from shetland, but with made - up swearwords.
Oh nut ya bam! Dinnae call me a NED or I'll pap ye and brick yer ma!
by Jamie Soar the Geek October 07, 2003
non educated delinquent live in Glasgow stand around drinking Buckie and pissing in letterboxes. They are members of young teams.
neds: aye pass us sum buckie u wee fat fanny
by tramp1990 November 14, 2006
Short for Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. Ned's is a show where Ned Bigby (Devon Werkheiser) gives you tips on how to survive school. With his friends Moze ( Linsey Shaw) and Cookie (Daniel Curtis Lee) along with bullies, geeks, popular, and blabbering kids. This Nickelodeon show has perfectly cast characters and great writers!
Viewer: Did you see the Ned's where Lisa Zemo dances with Cookie?

Viewer2: Yeah! It was cool!
by PyrolordCedric November 24, 2005
ned
Irritating guys who throw rocks at buses, wear 'pure sovvys'.
used to be found solely in glasgow, but are now found beating up goths even in Cockburn Street ( a goth mecca in Edinburgh). Come into games workshop and break peoples models.
'you are a ned'
by Duncan January 14, 2004
ned
Irritating, overly-confident, arrogant, uneducated Street Monkey, indigenous to Scotland and much much harder than the english chavs.

Males are usually found wearing Ned Tartan Caps (Burberry)and brightly coloured Shellsuits. Their habitat usually includes off-licenses that sell Buckfast (or a "Bottle of Whit the fuck ye gawking at, ya bawbag" as it is locally known) Their IQ is usually around five points short of a cannibis plant, which they smoke consistantly in a vain hope of increasing intelligence. They tend to hunt in packs or 10-20 and can be menancing to the rest of the general public - Although if you lamp the gobbiest wee shite amongst them and the pituitary retard (6'4" at 14 years old) then generally they run away making baboon noises and disappear into the undergrowth for a couple of hours. The male communicates with other males in grunts, farts and burps and simple phrases like "Gie's a swally o yer bucky man" and "check the airse on thon wee hairy" which are about the limit of speech their education allows.

The female of the species is defined by the wobble of lard which cocoons her body and this is only held in place by here over-stretched thong and too small bra. Most of the females will be pregnant before the age of sixteen unless the nedette is in Dundee when she will be pregnant by 13 years old. The females are like magpies in that they like things which are shiny and will marry their male ned for the price of a £19.99 ring from Elizabeth Duke's in Argos even if it causes their fingers to turn green.
Alternatively if the male ned is simply "Wantin his hole" then all he has to do is purchase or steal a 3 litre bottle of Frosty Jack's Chemical - never seen an apple - Cider which when placed in the line of sight of a nedette causes her lard to burst her thong and for her legs to spread rapidly even before he offers her a swally..
Examples of neds can be found outside any off-licence in Scotland for the males and outside the nurseries at home time for the females
by Gypsy Laird April 02, 2008

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