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1.
A terminal illness resulting stemming from poor graphics hardware choice, symptoms include:

-spontaneous house fires, resulting from tasks ranging from driver updates, to simply turning on the afflicted computer

-requiring no less than 4 video cards priced at $599.99 to play farmville 3d at an acceptable framerate

-an unhealthy desire to have neon lights, blatantly homosexual green orcs or army mans all over your electronic equipment

-a sudden reverent, deep faith in grandiose acronyms without knowing what they mean or do (16xTMSGRSDSAA, Fermi, PhysX being examples)

-a urgent need to pay off any nearby game developers to plaster 3 minute long logo videos to their games startup, and beg them to optimize for your vastly inferior hardware (How They're Meant to be Paid)

-chronic wood screws, pork shoulders and 1.7% yield with delays

Treatment can be administered at your local ATI/AMD dealer.
"Oh hell Dave dropped out of the game again, said that his GeeFarce 590GTXOCD Super Turbo Tournament Edition HD Remix cooked his dog when it walked by the computer. RIP Barkley, another tragic victim of nVidiAIDS."
by LinguisticAlfredo October 16, 2011