Why Myspace Sucks and So Do You:

1) Cool New People - No. These schmucks are not "Cool." The fact that they are the first thing you see when you log on is a fucking travesty. Why anyone would label these folks "Cool" is beyond our comprehension. At this point we wanted to turn back, but we forged on through the terror in the name of science.

2) Your Goddamn Pictures - "Hay guyz i hav this gr8 idea i think i shud take a pikkchur of myself in da mirrur holding teh camerah at a weiurd angle isnt that original guyz? Am i rite?" Believe it or not, we've caught on to your little tricks. We know that you are fat, ugly, have one eye, and shitty skin, and the crappy emo picture isn't fooling anybody. If you have the inclination to be really artsy, alternative, and original, and if you feel that taking a photo of yourself in the bathroom mirror is the way to do it, at least have the decency to wipe your dried jizz off the mirror. Oh but wait, there in the "View more pics" section you have those cute pictures of you and your buddies with beer in your hand. OMG GUYZ ITS BEER AND WE'RE LIKE 2TALLY UNDERAGE HOW BADASS ARE WE. Grow the fuck up, no one cares. And then you selfish bastards crop your friends out of the pictures so we all know who the attention whore is. We can clearly see their shoulder floating next to you.

3) About Me - Chances are no one comes to your MySpace to learn about how you "dont hav much 2 say" about yourself. These over-glorified AIM profiles contain some of the most useless crap ever to bombard our eyes. If you feel it is appropriate to contribute any information to this section, you're wrong. Save everyone the trouble of reading about your generic, pointless life and do something more productive. Like getting hit by a bus.

4) Friends - This monstrosity of a feature is used for two things:
a. Listing and cataloguing your already existing friends, as to create such riveting conversations like, "Hay why haven't you added me yet?" These conversations don't limit themselves to the internet either, people actually talk about this shit in real life. There is something inherently sad about that.
-Or-
b. Meeting random people to list as your "Friends." For fuck's sake, do you really need the internet to meet people? Especially those with a name like xXforbidDEn___aDdictionXx? There's a reason these people are on the internet and not hanging out with all the kewl friends that they have.

Maybe we're missing something, but is there actually a point to leaving a Comment on someone's page saying "ooo great site keep it up!"? And no, the fact that you've added infinite smilies or a lame animated gif saying something to the effect of "KEEP ON TRUCKIN" doesn't make it any better. The worst part is that this useless banter can go on for pages. We don't need to hear about that great party last weekend. Or how you have this really unsightly rash. There are other forms of communication for that. Forms of communication such as THE PHONE or INSTANT MESSENGER or ANYTHING WHERE YOUR CONVERSATION IS NOT MADE PUBLIC. Frankly, you disgust us.

5) Music - This is the section* where you feel the need to either tell us that you like to listen to "whatevers on tha radio" (Hinting that you are a complete douche lacking any personality at all. But we pretty much knew that already, seeing as you have a MySpace) or try to impress people with your vast list of bands that no one has ever heard of. And then someone came up with the brilliant idea to put music videos in the music section! Thanks buddy, I was really looking forward to spending 15 minutes waiting for your Snoop Dogg video to load so i could have those beats drilled into my head while browsing for things to make fun of you about. And if that's the best picture of yourself you can find, I pity you. Next time don't get hit in the face with a shovel.

* Having 3 generic songs from some crappy band in tight girl jeans and titling it "MySpace Music" does not redeem this category at all. Don't even try it. Oh, and as if it wasn't bad enough already, there are "MySpace Music" concerts being organized right now. If there is any indication of the lameness that is MySpace, you need not look any further than its creator.

6) Tom - How does a lonely, single nerd become the antichrist of the internet? He creates a worldwide network for people just like him, with no friends, and automatically puts himself on everyone's "friends" section. Now, we're by no stretch of the imagination saying it would be acceptable, but it would be understandable if he did this on the side. However, it's pretty certain that MySpace is the extent of his sad pathetic life. When you start throwing parties in the name of the most unholy creation of all time, it's pretty safe to say your life peaked in 6th grade when that girl asked you to the dance as a joke. He is responsible for the thousands of obscenely lame people thinking that they are awesome and popular just because they have a MySpace.

7) Having Celebrities and Porn Stars As Your Friends - Now, it was much debated whether or not to put this in the Friends section, but the final decision was that this abomination deserved its own. We already know of your sad state purely by the fact that you have a MySpace, but if you're pitiful enough to go and add some well-known douchebag to your list of "friends" then you should stop reading this right now. There is no hope for you. Honestly. Could you possibly be dumb enough to really think that this is funny? Or is it even worse, and you actually believe that Paris Hilton has a MySpace? Nice going dumbass, because not only can Paris Hilton read, she also needs the internet to meet people. And by the way, you're not fooling anybody into thinking that you and all those "tootally hawt bikini babez" on your friends list go out and paint the town red on Friday nights.

After all this research, you'd think that we would have found a slight glimmer of appeal in the abyss that is MySpace. We did not. MySpace represents all that is evil and corrupt in this world, and it baffles us why you all have this "omg addiction" to it. We hate MySpace with a firey passion, and are in full approval of a support group for each and every MySpace member. And by support group, we mean chainsaw to the face.
Myspace in it's entirety sucks asshole
by Boon McBoon climbs a shroom April 24, 2006

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You know those freaks that used to only come out at night? Yeah, they're on the web now and they brag about how many friends they have. They're all ugly, emo, fat, disgusting, 14-year-old whores who do those famous camera-trick-shot-things to make themselves look more fabulously slutty than they really are so people like Brian Peppers can kidnap them and molest them. Not his fault, though, they asked for it for being so whorish. Most don't change facial expressions. All are stupid and deserve to die. Except for Joe Don Baker. He's cool. When dealing with a hordes of myspace junkies it's a good idea to bring your own weapons. Be sure to use caution around myspace addicted whores, your safety is not guaranteed. I've only done this once before.
Myspace turdburglar: "Lol, I have 9,344,323 friends on myspace!"
Sane Person: "O rly?"
Myspace turdburglar: "Ya rly, you should sign up for a myspace!"
Sane Person: "Why should I sign up for yourspace when I have my own personal space. Your stupidity is leaking into it. BEGONE!" *PUNCH*
Myspace turdburglar (with a broken nose): "OW! I'm gonna write a nasty blog about you and have my elevendy-billion friends comment on how you're a pansy because you don't have a myspace."
Sane Person: "I thought you said you had 9,344,323 friends."
Myspace turdburglar (with a broken nose): "I'm sure more people want to be friends since I last logged in three minutes ago." *leaves to write angry blog*
Sane Person: "Turd Burglar. I hope he eats a bag of hell."
Joe Don Baker: Where can I find me some bacon, butter, pancakes, steak, eggs, cheese, fries, cheesy fries, pizza, beer, hamburgers, butter, chili dogs, chili-cheese fries, fried chicken, waffles, corn dogs, an orange covered, with some beer and more butter?
by Peppy February 27, 2006

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A versatile 'space' on the web, where any person can create a brief representation of themself. This privilidge if abused, because being deceitful is so easy, but what can you expect from the internet?

Myspace offers a huge confidence boost for those that are "hot" and didn't know it. Provided is a great way to write one's thoughts and feelings out, and then get feedback from anyone all over the world.

Myspace can be used to meet people and upgrade your understanding of the world, but many incompetant people simply write nothing of any substance and post a picture. I wish there was a seperate service called boringspace for them.

All around, myspace is what you make of it, whether that be a stalker source or an information hub.
J.M. - "Please explain hang gliding to me. I have always admired people who soar over my head, but I don't know what it takes for me to start the sport.

Updraft - "First of all, it is incredible! The feeling of floating on air cannot be explained by anything but the actual experience. I suggest that you find a small club with a beginner hill. After a few practic trys and getting the feel for your glider, you can try something really exciting. Good luck!
by J.M.M. May 10, 2005

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Basically, a completely pointless community website, but WARNING, it's highly addictive. Tom, the Creator, is the equivalent of a god to serious myspacers. There are always countless chain-bulletins about bullshit things. There's the occasional one that makes sense, until you get to the bottom where it says "REPOST IN 5 SECZ OR ELSE U WILL HAV BAD LUCK FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!" or something similiar.

When you first join, its fun. After a while, it becomes a popularity contest, in which you add people just for the sake of having 'friends'. However, there is the occasional person who has a whole bunch of rules like 'Don't repost a bulletin every 5 fucking minutes or I won't add you!' or 'DuNt tYiPe lYkK dDiSz' like they're all that and a bag of skittles.

And then, after about two months, you realize that there's really no point at all. But by then, your probably too far gone to stop. Then again, its given many people a boost in their social lives. Yippee
omgzzzz lyk comment my new pixxx!!!

ii lovve yeww <333: omfg i love you!! you are so freakin sexiiii like omg lets chyll ! blahblahblahblah comment bac or else bitch! like l-o-l
by Idonthave Aname August 21, 2005

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The only thing that is more addicting than drugs.
Wow, Joe has about 19,000 friends and he's only had myspace for about a month. What a fucking MySpace whore.
by Murph! October 08, 2006

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Myspace is a hard word to define on so many level's,many claim the addiction to myspace is the natural urge for human attention and that is is the perfect outlet for people who crave attention.Sigmund Freud,if here were alive today would definately include a case study on the nature of this website.Freud then would proceed to set up an account for his case study and himself would fall prey to the addiction,eventually adding people like Albert Einstein,Marie Curie to his top 8 list,he soon would abandon his work and focus on the social aspects of myspace for himself personally,he would eventually post blogs,post one picture of himself just for vanity sake and proceed to check his laptop every hour or so to see if any girls did "brainy guys",after severe disapointment Freud decides that the only alternative is to abandon his elitist ways and become trendy in the Myspace ways,He add garage bands to his friends list,posts picture comments to Marie Curie in provocative outfits and even manages to score a fat chick from myspace.Freud then realizes soon after,that he could have done the same thing in real life,exept listening to a garage band,he could go listen to a big name band at a real concert,and instead of the fat chick from myspace who leaves him 50 comments a day,he could have easily just walked up to a hot chick in real life and ask for her number and feel more satisfied than anything he could have done through myspace.

The Morale of this boring story is,Anyone intellegent can fall for the charm of myspace,but always remember people on computer's have mental problems of some sorts,people who are confident in real life dont have to get on myspace to find friends,so if those people who you were jelous of in high school talk to you,remember their is a looser inside of them that finally got out,they just hid it better than your stupid ass
"Myspace was fun to try,but i think real life is more satisfying"
by ReaXan June 26, 2006

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an amazingly addivtive "place for friends". most of your friends had one so you thought it would be cool to join also, while doing this you take pictures of your half-haked self in front of a bathroom mirror. after having myspace for about a month you realize that you tend to check it every 5 minutes. Myspace allows you to put different "display names" that are on top of you default picture. only losers on myspace change their display name along with the picture. Myspace has "whore trains" something that allows you to have as many friends as you please by posting pointless bullitens. Myspace claims to be a great way to meet friends, but it is more like a great way to meet stalkers. Alot of people add friends just for the sake of having more friends than the other person. Also when you first join myspace, you have your first friend who is Tom--you will initially think he is a stalker but no he is just the creator.
Don't get a myspace its too addictive. You can easily meet a stalker there.
by lambxxluvr March 20, 2006

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a. A place for little teenagers to take slutty pics of themselves in nothing but their underwear and then post captions that say things like "omg, i'm so fat" or "omg, i'm sooo pretty" when what they need to be doing is playing in traffic. b. a place for big kids to go on and see who can get 25,253,322.2 friends first and where conceited people are most often the ones that post bulletins that consist of "New Pics" or "Leave Comments" or any combination of the two
20 Rules of MySpace

#15- Those of you with 25 million friends, get real, everyone hates you, there is no way you can keep up with that many friends.
by Chris Keitt July 23, 2006

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