Why Myspace Sucks and So Do You:

1) Cool New People - No. These schmucks are not "Cool." The fact that they are the first thing you see when you log on is a fucking travesty. Why anyone would label these folks "Cool" is beyond our comprehension. At this point we wanted to turn back, but we forged on through the terror in the name of science.

2) Your Goddamn Pictures - "Hay guyz i hav this gr8 idea i think i shud take a pikkchur of myself in da mirrur holding teh camerah at a weiurd angle isnt that original guyz? Am i rite?" Believe it or not, we've caught on to your little tricks. We know that you are fat, ugly, have one eye, and shitty skin, and the crappy emo picture isn't fooling anybody. If you have the inclination to be really artsy, alternative, and original, and if you feel that taking a photo of yourself in the bathroom mirror is the way to do it, at least have the decency to wipe your dried jizz off the mirror. Oh but wait, there in the "View more pics" section you have those cute pictures of you and your buddies with beer in your hand. OMG GUYZ ITS BEER AND WE'RE LIKE 2TALLY UNDERAGE HOW BADASS ARE WE. Grow the fuck up, no one cares. And then you selfish bastards crop your friends out of the pictures so we all know who the attention whore is. We can clearly see their shoulder floating next to you.

3) About Me - Chances are no one comes to your MySpace to learn about how you "dont hav much 2 say" about yourself. These over-glorified AIM profiles contain some of the most useless crap ever to bombard our eyes. If you feel it is appropriate to contribute any information to this section, you're wrong. Save everyone the trouble of reading about your generic, pointless life and do something more productive. Like getting hit by a bus.

4) Friends - This monstrosity of a feature is used for two things:
a. Listing and cataloguing your already existing friends, as to create such riveting conversations like, "Hay why haven't you added me yet?" These conversations don't limit themselves to the internet either, people actually talk about this shit in real life. There is something inherently sad about that.
-Or-
b. Meeting random people to list as your "Friends." For fuck's sake, do you really need the internet to meet people? Especially those with a name like xXforbidDEn___aDdictionXx? There's a reason these people are on the internet and not hanging out with all the kewl friends that they have.

Maybe we're missing something, but is there actually a point to leaving a Comment on someone's page saying "ooo great site keep it up!"? And no, the fact that you've added infinite smilies or a lame animated gif saying something to the effect of "KEEP ON TRUCKIN" doesn't make it any better. The worst part is that this useless banter can go on for pages. We don't need to hear about that great party last weekend. Or how you have this really unsightly rash. There are other forms of communication for that. Forms of communication such as THE PHONE or INSTANT MESSENGER or ANYTHING WHERE YOUR CONVERSATION IS NOT MADE PUBLIC. Frankly, you disgust us.

5) Music - This is the section* where you feel the need to either tell us that you like to listen to "whatevers on tha radio" (Hinting that you are a complete douche lacking any personality at all. But we pretty much knew that already, seeing as you have a MySpace) or try to impress people with your vast list of bands that no one has ever heard of. And then someone came up with the brilliant idea to put music videos in the music section! Thanks buddy, I was really looking forward to spending 15 minutes waiting for your Snoop Dogg video to load so i could have those beats drilled into my head while browsing for things to make fun of you about. And if that's the best picture of yourself you can find, I pity you. Next time don't get hit in the face with a shovel.

* Having 3 generic songs from some crappy band in tight girl jeans and titling it "MySpace Music" does not redeem this category at all. Don't even try it. Oh, and as if it wasn't bad enough already, there are "MySpace Music" concerts being organized right now. If there is any indication of the lameness that is MySpace, you need not look any further than its creator.

6) Tom - How does a lonely, single nerd become the antichrist of the internet? He creates a worldwide network for people just like him, with no friends, and automatically puts himself on everyone's "friends" section. Now, we're by no stretch of the imagination saying it would be acceptable, but it would be understandable if he did this on the side. However, it's pretty certain that MySpace is the extent of his sad pathetic life. When you start throwing parties in the name of the most unholy creation of all time, it's pretty safe to say your life peaked in 6th grade when that girl asked you to the dance as a joke. He is responsible for the thousands of obscenely lame people thinking that they are awesome and popular just because they have a MySpace.

7) Having Celebrities and Porn Stars As Your Friends - Now, it was much debated whether or not to put this in the Friends section, but the final decision was that this abomination deserved its own. We already know of your sad state purely by the fact that you have a MySpace, but if you're pitiful enough to go and add some well-known douchebag to your list of "friends" then you should stop reading this right now. There is no hope for you. Honestly. Could you possibly be dumb enough to really think that this is funny? Or is it even worse, and you actually believe that Paris Hilton has a MySpace? Nice going dumbass, because not only can Paris Hilton read, she also needs the internet to meet people. And by the way, you're not fooling anybody into thinking that you and all those "tootally hawt bikini babez" on your friends list go out and paint the town red on Friday nights.

After all this research, you'd think that we would have found a slight glimmer of appeal in the abyss that is MySpace. We did not. MySpace represents all that is evil and corrupt in this world, and it baffles us why you all have this "omg addiction" to it. We hate MySpace with a firey passion, and are in full approval of a support group for each and every MySpace member. And by support group, we mean chainsaw to the face.
Myspace in it's entirety sucks asshole
by Boon McBoon climbs a shroom April 24, 2006
Something I wish would go away.

Specific: A database of everyone that does not deserve to exist.
Several of the O.C. characters have their own profiles on MySpace. Some myspace users have gone beyond not deserving to exist, and instead, do not exist in the first place.
by lloopylydia August 12, 2005
A most awful place indeed.

Usually when you first create one, it will consume your life, and everything you post and do and your first pics will make you look incredibly stupid, because more than likely you'll probably be trying too hard to look cool. Some people outgrow this phase, some don't unfortunately.

Make sure you use good grammar, try to sound as smart as possible, don't complain about anything and don't post bulletins about random things because most of the people there suck and take dumb things like the internet too seriously and will attack you for the smallest things.

People there really do suck. Some people are really uptight and stuck up and will say they get annoyed at the things you post on bulletins or in groups and will get on your case and/or delete you from their friend list, which is really silly because people have the freedom to post whatever they want, and if someone's bulletins or posts in a group are bothering you so bad, why not just simply ignore them? No one said you had to read them.
Some people are really two faced and they'll act really cool in real life, but they'll become a total asshole on MySpace or vice versa.
Then there's the really conceited and arrogant pricks who act like they're totally the shit and think they're better than everyone else and take a bunch of pictures of themselves shirtless(guys) or in very revealing clothing(girls).
And then you have stupid emo and scene kids who act really depressed, pathetic and pretend to have problems.
Oh, and I almost forgot, the wiggers, posers and wanabe gangstas who use a bunch of stupid slang terms they learned from mainstream rap videos as well as try to create new ones by mispelling words on purpose, acting like they are really tough and have it really bad in the projects or a rough neighborhood even though there aren't a lot of people who live in those kinda places that have computers and can afford expensive hip hop stuff like Rocawear and Sean John.

It's also probably one of the most ironic places ever, because usually the people who are called stupid or retarded are probably the smartest people there, because they have the common sense required to ignore stupid bulletins and threads in public forums instead of getting on the case of people who post them. While the people who 'think' they're smart and call those people idiots are the real idiots because they obviously take it too seriously.

Then you have Myspace Prostitution. Instead of going out in public, dressed really slutty and standing at street corners, they make profiles on MySpace, take pictures of themselves dressed like hookers and use the myspace groups and bulletin boards as their 'corner'.

So yeah. MySpace really isn't that great.
Example 1: When I first created a MySpace, I stayed on it for 16 hours a day, and pretended to be a gangsta thinking it was totally cool.
I was such a fucking loser
Example 2:
A:Whatz up my homiez? Man the town I live in sucks so bad. I know this shit is random.
B: I'm deleting you from my friend list because you are a fucking idiot for posting this random bulletin that I could've easily ignored but I didn't because I suck so bad, for complaining about something, not like it should matter to me because it's your problem and not mine and for using some slang because I'm so uptight and think that anyone who uses slang is an idiot and can't speak proper english.
Example 3:
Conceited Prick: I'm the shit! I'm the coolest person in the world because I have these nice ab muscles and 10,000 friends on MySpace and that automatically makes me better than everyone else especially YOU. =D
Example 4:
Emo/Scene Kid: My life is so terrible. I don't have a car, but most of my friends have one. I suck because my best friend has a bf/gf and I don't. I'm supposed to be really depressed and suck at life because some kids were mean to me in Elementary school. I should've gotten over that years ago, but I didn't, so I decided to start acting like a idiot thinking someone will feel sorry for me.
Example 5:
Wigger/Poserthug: YO, whatz up my ppl! I juz saw that new Yung Jocky joint on MTV. Hold Upz! Is you talkin' shit chuzz? Come to my rough ass block, just because I wear $120.00 Nikes, $60 sean john t-shirts, live in a nice azz subrb and have my own $48,000 custom Lincoln Navigator don't mean I iz a fake. Say tha shit to mi face chuzz and sie wat gonn happen bitoch.
Example 6:
Intelligent MySpace user: I post random bulletins and complain sometimes, and people call me stupid just for that. I don't see why. It shouldn't really matter, I have the right to post whatever I want and so does everyone else.
Stupid MySpace user that thinks they're smart: You are complaining about something! YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT!!!!! Stop posting those dumb bulletins, they are annoying me, don't ask me how they are, it doesn't make sense, but your random bulletins are annoying me you little dumbass.
Final example: Hey boys. Come look at these sexy pics on my profile. If you like them, hit me up, maybe we can get together one night and I'll give you an STD. =]

MySpace is a shithole.
by Kareem Jahlid August 12, 2007
Myspace is a pathetic excuse for a hang out place. People go on, try to make as many "friends" as possible, and yeah, as said, ultimately tries to get as many as they can. 90% of the people they have listed they did not already know in real life, and they will end up meeting probably 1 or 2 of them.
Freak#1: "I have 789 friends on Myspace."
Freak#2: Have you met anyone of them?
Freak#1: Meet them? I never even talk to them.
by Jimmy March 03, 2005
The "black hole" of the internet.
If I weren't out with you guys tonight I would probably be home refreshing my MySpace page every five seconds
by K Star April 09, 2006
An e-community where Long Island picture whores (but from all over the world) can get together online and have a huge conformist party. On my space, people are rated on popularity by having the most my space "friends". 59% of people having my space accounts either have no real friends, or have questioned their sexuality.
"Yo man, we are having a my space party tonight, you down?"
"No fag, fuck off. While you are having sex with your hand, I'm going to get bloody high and bury my face girlfriends bush."

"OH! MY! GOD! I've seen you on my space!"
"Bitch sit down, I'm straight."

"I have 43 my space friends and its only my first week!"
"Whore nobody cares, go out and drive your moms S-class and find some real friends."
by jamesthe3rd February 12, 2006
a cult that has taken over almost every high school in america. or, at least new jersey."myspace is for lovers" is sumtin i've seen posted all over the emo kids blogs or profiles. it's pretty lame, but its as addicting as coke.


warning: most of the people on the site look nothing like that in person.
random guy:"no way! we're friends on mysapce!"
random girl: "well then lets fuck!"
by charlie March 13, 2005
Place where ugly guys, like Jared Anderson, post half naked pictures and pick up hot whores with corny pick up lines
Hey, are you on My Space?
Yes.
Oh, You're a fag, Bye.
by Diego Sanchez April 12, 2005

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