Why Myspace Sucks and So Do You:

1) Cool New People - No. These schmucks are not "Cool." The fact that they are the first thing you see when you log on is a fucking travesty. Why anyone would label these folks "Cool" is beyond our comprehension. At this point we wanted to turn back, but we forged on through the terror in the name of science.

2) Your Goddamn Pictures - "Hay guyz i hav this gr8 idea i think i shud take a pikkchur of myself in da mirrur holding teh camerah at a weiurd angle isnt that original guyz? Am i rite?" Believe it or not, we've caught on to your little tricks. We know that you are fat, ugly, have one eye, and shitty skin, and the crappy emo picture isn't fooling anybody. If you have the inclination to be really artsy, alternative, and original, and if you feel that taking a photo of yourself in the bathroom mirror is the way to do it, at least have the decency to wipe your dried jizz off the mirror. Oh but wait, there in the "View more pics" section you have those cute pictures of you and your buddies with beer in your hand. OMG GUYZ ITS BEER AND WE'RE LIKE 2TALLY UNDERAGE HOW BADASS ARE WE. Grow the fuck up, no one cares. And then you selfish bastards crop your friends out of the pictures so we all know who the attention whore is. We can clearly see their shoulder floating next to you.

3) About Me - Chances are no one comes to your MySpace to learn about how you "dont hav much 2 say" about yourself. These over-glorified AIM profiles contain some of the most useless crap ever to bombard our eyes. If you feel it is appropriate to contribute any information to this section, you're wrong. Save everyone the trouble of reading about your generic, pointless life and do something more productive. Like getting hit by a bus.

4) Friends - This monstrosity of a feature is used for two things:
a. Listing and cataloguing your already existing friends, as to create such riveting conversations like, "Hay why haven't you added me yet?" These conversations don't limit themselves to the internet either, people actually talk about this shit in real life. There is something inherently sad about that.
b. Meeting random people to list as your "Friends." For fuck's sake, do you really need the internet to meet people? Especially those with a name like xXforbidDEn___aDdictionXx? There's a reason these people are on the internet and not hanging out with all the kewl friends that they have.

Maybe we're missing something, but is there actually a point to leaving a Comment on someone's page saying "ooo great site keep it up!"? And no, the fact that you've added infinite smilies or a lame animated gif saying something to the effect of "KEEP ON TRUCKIN" doesn't make it any better. The worst part is that this useless banter can go on for pages. We don't need to hear about that great party last weekend. Or how you have this really unsightly rash. There are other forms of communication for that. Forms of communication such as THE PHONE or INSTANT MESSENGER or ANYTHING WHERE YOUR CONVERSATION IS NOT MADE PUBLIC. Frankly, you disgust us.

5) Music - This is the section* where you feel the need to either tell us that you like to listen to "whatevers on tha radio" (Hinting that you are a complete douche lacking any personality at all. But we pretty much knew that already, seeing as you have a MySpace) or try to impress people with your vast list of bands that no one has ever heard of. And then someone came up with the brilliant idea to put music videos in the music section! Thanks buddy, I was really looking forward to spending 15 minutes waiting for your Snoop Dogg video to load so i could have those beats drilled into my head while browsing for things to make fun of you about. And if that's the best picture of yourself you can find, I pity you. Next time don't get hit in the face with a shovel.

* Having 3 generic songs from some crappy band in tight girl jeans and titling it "MySpace Music" does not redeem this category at all. Don't even try it. Oh, and as if it wasn't bad enough already, there are "MySpace Music" concerts being organized right now. If there is any indication of the lameness that is MySpace, you need not look any further than its creator.

6) Tom - How does a lonely, single nerd become the antichrist of the internet? He creates a worldwide network for people just like him, with no friends, and automatically puts himself on everyone's "friends" section. Now, we're by no stretch of the imagination saying it would be acceptable, but it would be understandable if he did this on the side. However, it's pretty certain that MySpace is the extent of his sad pathetic life. When you start throwing parties in the name of the most unholy creation of all time, it's pretty safe to say your life peaked in 6th grade when that girl asked you to the dance as a joke. He is responsible for the thousands of obscenely lame people thinking that they are awesome and popular just because they have a MySpace.

7) Having Celebrities and Porn Stars As Your Friends - Now, it was much debated whether or not to put this in the Friends section, but the final decision was that this abomination deserved its own. We already know of your sad state purely by the fact that you have a MySpace, but if you're pitiful enough to go and add some well-known douchebag to your list of "friends" then you should stop reading this right now. There is no hope for you. Honestly. Could you possibly be dumb enough to really think that this is funny? Or is it even worse, and you actually believe that Paris Hilton has a MySpace? Nice going dumbass, because not only can Paris Hilton read, she also needs the internet to meet people. And by the way, you're not fooling anybody into thinking that you and all those "tootally hawt bikini babez" on your friends list go out and paint the town red on Friday nights.

After all this research, you'd think that we would have found a slight glimmer of appeal in the abyss that is MySpace. We did not. MySpace represents all that is evil and corrupt in this world, and it baffles us why you all have this "omg addiction" to it. We hate MySpace with a firey passion, and are in full approval of a support group for each and every MySpace member. And by support group, we mean chainsaw to the face.
Myspace in it's entirety sucks asshole
by Boon McBoon climbs a shroom April 24, 2006
1. The ultimate contest of seeing how many friends you could have without seeing any of them.

2. A place for people who have no lives to post comments about their new pics in their "friend's" myspace.

3. A place where loners get semi-celebs.
Ex 1:
Person 1: OMG i have 200 friends on myspace.
Person 2: LOLZ i have 300 friends, loser.

Ex 2:
Person X: i love ur new pix! u better post a comment on my myspace also!

Ex 3:
Some guy: SWEET Tila Nguyen is my friend!
by deathsymphony March 28, 2005
online website for making 'friends', and over 70% people up there will have the following things in their profiles:

1. has 'tila tequila' as their friend
2. the music they like include: my chemical romance, the used, green day, killers, or kottonmouth kings
3. they all hate drama and fake people
4. have a music video playing on their page
5. your computer is more likely to freeze when log on people's pages if you have an older model due to the over-decoration.
6. we will see this "This profile was edited with Thomas' myspace editor" somewhere in their profile

that's all I can think of right now
70% of myspace people have some taste of music.......
by vinny May 23, 2005
Popular networkiing website, popular with scene kids. Allows teenagers with bad haircuts to take low quality pictures of themselves pouting, and comment on all their friends pouting.
"Why would I want Myspace? I already have facebook."
by JakeStar April 04, 2005
it's 3:45 AM, your eyes are sore form looking at the computer screen for 4, no wait 5 hours...uhh who cares because all you care about not is myspace. You log into your Myspace everday, you've even missed the funeral of your mother to read that message from that attractive scene girl from Peluca, Idaho. Speaking of scene kids. Out of the 4,543 friends you have you only know about 70 personally, but for some unholy reason you know every single scene kid on your myspace, though the SONS O' Bitches all look alike. Your life is in shambles due to your Myspace addiction. You go to work tired, thus becoming cranky. In meetings all you can think about is what bulletins people have posted or what cool neat comments you have.

For all those reason you lose your job. Why? Because when you were at your nice doctors job at the Children's Hospital instead of writing needs Chemo-Therapy ASAP, you wrote, "PLZ comment on my pics!@@!"
At this point you're at home it's been three months since you lost your job, now you live with you mother all your real friends have left you, because now you have alienated them for your MYspace friends. Just another statistic.
Please if you don't get help at CHARTER, Please get help somewhere.
crackpipe is to Crack as Keyboard is to Myspace
by Christopher Ess October 01, 2005
An addicting imaginary world online full of people who you don't or barely even know. A place full of 19 year old boys who don't own shirts and 19 year old girls who don't own pants. The most popular people in this world are partial pornstars. There is no need to worry about being fat or ugly, because in this world, there is only the angles you want, to make you look like the most goregous skinny person on Earth. In this world, girls are all models, posing every few seconds. Aside from the 12 pictures of someone, you can find out if its true love based on their favorite clothing label, their favorite band, and a survey. All females are bi and all males drive import muscle cars. True expression of self comes from the colors or the pictures you decided to put as a background on your page. Your drivers license photo can have hearts around it and quotes as well. The phrases "Yo", "your hawt", or "hit me back some time" are acceptable when trying to attract the opposite sex. It is perfectly acceptable to blurt out any random, filthy, perverse, sexual thought at any random woman/man you think is "hawt" as a first greeting. A place where everyone can make $100,000 or more a year. A society of very youthful looking 99 year olds. Every random thought you ever have can be jotted down in the convienient blog of your space. Here, it isn't odd to have Brad Pitt in your circle of friends. A man named Tom is your God, he follows you everywhere, sees what you are doing at all times and constanly hands you bad news. This is the only place on earth where Hello Kitty is an actual person. Conversations don't get much more complicated than: "How are you?" Sent. "Good, how are you?" Replied. Everyone, even clothing lines can be your friend! The biggest fears include "Friend Whoring" and Tom forcing your account to "Undergo some matience". Bands ask you to listen to them because they say they see you like a band that they sound nothing like. A place that the biggest threat anyone could ever give you is "I WILL DELETE YOU AS MY FRIEND IF YOU DONT COMMENT MY PICS!". You must pass on all random letters you recieve or else in 15 hours and 3 minutes a ghost will fly into your house and rape your dog...even if you dont have one.
Myspace, A Place For Stalkers.
by AppleStoreFreak March 09, 2006
Very strong internet crack
"Yo, bluhhhh, I gots ten pounds of MySpace right here. You'll be receiving comments and friends like it's nuffin'!"
by Richard D. July 11, 2005
a place to write pointless, overly wordy, bad descriptions of your daily life as if anyone is interested in the food stuck in your teeth. Pretentious, presumptuous hacks writting to prove people will read anything, find anything worth commenting on in order convey to the writer that everyone else is indeed interested in the food in their teeth.
myspace is a place to publicly describe and defend ones own lack of integrity, a place for irresponsible, reckless judgment of others, a place to gather support for your position by describing one biased angle of a lie.
A complete lack of self awareness is required to continue on as a myspace addict.
The very best feature of myspace is definitely emo scenesters that claim to be about personal health, environmental and political causes, bettering the world, loving others while they gather and hoard comments, friends, post new pictures, post lame lists and excruciating detailed accounts of their daily life, try and look thinner, thinner, thinner, hotter, sexier, ego stroking all day, everyday. While endlessly claiming global love, local truth and a committed desire to evolve and enlighten others.
"Oh my god I was flossing my teeth this morning and I just couldn't figure out what it was I pulled out from between my teeth and gums, is is chicken? It couldn't be chicken, I don't eat meat, maybe it's tofu? I showed it to my roommate and she thought it was cheese, then I remembered I had baked bread and brie last night, so that must be it. Then I thought wow I better run to my computer and blog about this experience on myspace."
by thetruthlovesme July 18, 2005

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