You will need a mini-fridge next to your bed, the lights out, and someone you don't like. Latex glove is optional. Under cover of darkness slip the glove on and suggest doggy style to this person. Use some lube or your finger to get it wet an loose. Then reach into the fridge and pull out frozen log of feces and rapidly insert into preferred orafice. Then simply get up and walk away. She or he will never want to have sex with you again.
Melissa came over again last night and wouldn't leave me alone. So I invited her upstairs and gave her a murphy brown