The muff monkey is a miniscule ape who resides around the vagina of a woman and finds extreme pleasure in paying homage to the labia. If substantial pubic hair coverage is available, the muff monkey can be found lurking amongst the pube jungle waiting for his next interaction with the muff or planning his next maniacal counterattack against those trying to approach the crotch. Possessing both unique joint structure and an extremely strong grip, the muff monkey can move disturbingly fast in its natural genital habitat by swinging on pubes and parts of the vagina. The muff monkey uses its speedy transportation capabilities and cacophonous whooping howl to both impress the labia and scare away intruders. Due to the muff's obvious lack of perception or judgement, the muff monkey lives a mostly unfulfilled and confused life as its constant wooing consistently goes without reciprocation. Most cunt badgers are acutely aware of the dangers that can arise when approaching a muff surrounded by dense pubic coverage, due to the muff monkey's certain presence.
I went down on Amanda last night, but there was a fucking muff monkey waiting for me. It swooped in out of no where and pierced my cornea. I knew she should have trimmed her pubes.
by Meat Meaters October 12, 2009
1.Old navy slang for a penis. 2.Sailor who can't stay out of whore-houses.
There goe's Bert on liberty again. What a muff monkey.
by Dub Edwards August 04, 2006