| 47. | mormon | ||
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a religion made up out of thin air by a guy named joseph smith. he prolly though he was gonna go to hell because he got shitfaced or something so he decided to fuck up the world as much as possible, which is why christians should have made more layers of hell when they made up their religion. that or he was always high and or hallucinated. so basically he claimed to get a bunch of visits from jesus and god. which anyone with an iq above 60 could tell he didnt. so he then translated these plates he got from the ground and magically read them behind a curtain and wouldnt allow anyone to see them. so he created a church which got a shitload of fallowers. so then some sane person shot him in the face in a desperate attempt to stop the attack of the shitfaced retards. they then moved to utah and massacured a lot of people who went there. then they created one of the most epic fantasy novels ever, the book of mormons. then they hijacked the boyscouts and kicked out all gays women athiests wiccans, people who believe in multiple gods and jews that they could find. they also buy the sidewalks in front of their church and routinely beat up gays on them for "tresspassing" hence the story of the mormans hey look 2 gays on our mormon sidewalk we didnt tell the public we own lets go beat them up for "tresspassing"
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| 1. | mormon | ||
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97% of the people in Utah.
.003% of the people anywhere else. These really really nice, clean-living people who believe some pretty weird stuff. "Well I usually try to be good, but I'm no Mormon"
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| 2. | mormon | ||
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1. 99% live in Utah.
2. Napoleon Dynamite is their hero. 3. believe green jello is a sacred food. 4. have 28045345.5 kids. 5. use slang curse words: oh my ____ (heck, gosh, fetch...) 6. pretty much have the hottest girls around... Oh my gosh are the Smiths mormons?! We better have a party so they can bring some frickin' sweet green jello!...
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| 3. | Mormon | ||
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The slang term used to refer to members of the LDS religion. I gave the nice Mormon missionaries cookies, and then told them to go away.
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| 4. | mormon | ||
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People who believe in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints; also (less accurately) known as the Mormon religion. Being Christian, (for they believe in and accept Christ as their Savior, and also strive to live a Christ-centered and Christ-like life), they also believe that Jesus Christ is what the Bible says He is: the son of God the Father. They do not believe in the Trinity, but rather the Godhead: that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are physically seperate but one in purpose. Many Mormons live in Utah, but the religion is practiced throughout the world. They believe in the Bible and also the Book of Mormon. They believe that the church of Jesus Christ (the same church/religion that Christ established when He came to this world) was restored to its fullness by Joseph Smith through the power of God for the preparation of the Second Coming of Christ. Mormons are people too, yo.
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| 5. | mormon | ||
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A very nice, generous, misunderstood group of non-gay, mostly white people. They don't practice polygamy or have multiple wives except after death where men can have as many wives as they want. They try to do the best they can in life. They're not perfect and don't think they're perfect unless but they do think they are better than non-Mormons. They strive to work hard and get through life without much trouble. They don't put down other religions, at least not to your face. They don't think you'll go to hell unless you're gay or you're in a different religion. They believe everyone has a chance to have eternal salvation, except the gays, and that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are two separate beings, and that Christ created the Earth for straight Mormons only. They think they're Christian. They don't think Joseph Smith (the translator of the book of Mormon) is a god, just equal with Jesus. They also believe he is a prophet of God. They aren't here to overtake the world, even though their doctrine says they are. They try to allow everyone who would like to hear about their church to hear about it. And they also try to allow everyone who would NOT like to hear about it, hear about it as well. They understand that it's your choice to join or not and they don't force it upon you. However, they'll force you to join once you're dead so why fight it now? I know these things are true and I say them in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. more...
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| 6. | mormon | ||
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Apparently a very misunderstood religion. Lets get the easy stuff out of the way first: "Mormon" becasuse they have ANOTHER TESTAMENT of JC titled "The Book of Mormon"; they only people practicing polygamy are "fundementalist Mormons" who are not associated with the Mormon Religion at all (Mormons are not polygamists); Actual name of the Church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, LDS for short; and last of all not all of them wear name tags or ride bikes.
more...
Now Joseph Smith (founder) is believed to be a prophet, like moses or ezikiel. He is not worshiped only respected. They still have a prophet to day, who serves until he dies and then the next in line is chosen. He is believed to have been guided by a prophet from the past to a set of golden plates hidden in the woods of new york 100s of years ago. He excavated them, translated them and found them to COMPLIMENT the Bible not contridict it. And through many periods of Divine instruction formed what him and his followers belived to be the closest religion to what JC had when he was in Israel. The BoM does not contridict the bible except to those who interpret it to do so. Church. They only go for Three hours each sunday, where they recieve instruction from each other not one assigned preacher. As well as partake of the sacrament, very similar to many other christian religions. During the week each age group has and Activity. (i.e. youth, adults, children) designed to enhance brotherhood and faith... |
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| 7. | Mormon | ||
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People who won't stop coming to my doorstep to tell me the good news. -Knock knock-
*I walk to the door... open it, and I am greeted by Mormons.* MORMON # 1 Hello, I'm Malachi and this is my friend Bob. We're here to tell you the good news! ME ...go on. MORMON # 2 Well sir, we're from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We want to tell you all about the Book of Mormon! ME ...um, okay. MORMON # 1 Do you mind if we come in, sir? ME ...I guess so? -5 hours later- MORMON # 2 Now that you've been read the complete, unabridged Book of Mormon, how would you like to join our Church? ME Oh, no thanks, I've got... agnosticism. - |
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