Priest: "Confess your sins my son and let the Lord see into your soul."
Sinner: "My mom had some of her friends round for a Women's Institute meeting and I was serving them tea and cakes. Later that night I indulged myself with a furious session of milfturbation in the bathroom thinking of them in their flouncy blouses."
Priest: "Wicked boy! Say three hundred Hail Marys and scrub your hands with bleach and steel wool!"