in B-town or bricktucky, as some call it, yes we boast our wonderous drinking skills whether they be beer pong or beer bongs; however, i would just like to point out the correct way to pronounce words when you are residing in this welcoming atmosphere. First off, we do not have "wuuder" here, it is either waata or waa-ter. when you get ice cream you get sprinkles on top, not jimmies. when we do happen to go to quizznos subway or jersey mikes (as an alternative to those wawa wendys and diner trips) we get a sub, short for submarine sandwich, not a hoaaagie. (who says that?). we don't drink melk and don't sleep on pellos, and we don't go to mooovies. our words aren't drawn out real long or shortened to ebonic style lingo with made up words that others don't understand, and we sure as hell can understand eachother, even when we mumble or talk in our "jersey" accents.
and in my personal opinion, when i'm not here it's not the shore or the beach, it's just "home" .

welcome to keyport, home of the red raider, and the town of wonder and joy. sorta.

this town is one square mile, and full of fun perhaps you would like a tattoo from one of the various tattoo parlors, fat kat or taboo, your preferance. did you stop by for some clams, which used to be one of our main exports? or perhaps a football game, we'll probably win it!



the people-

uppers: friendly, caring, loyal to their town, have a family like quality, tend to have a good knowledge of high school football stats. Everybody knows everybody.
downers: not the smartest, sometimes too loyal, a little racist, everybody knows everybody.

the school system-

uppers: small, you can be the big fish in the little pond, tests arent hard, no homework, little bullying, good sports program. you can hang out and get something delicious before and or after school at broadway bagels. the chicken patties at keyport high are famous. however, if you dont want to send your kid to a public school, there is st. joes the catholic elementary school.
downers: not a challenge at all, students are lazy, teachers are a little crazy, no ones that smart, most students end up going to brookdale for college, if anywhere.

politics-
uppers: recently there has been a pretty even split of democrats and republicans. the council members are young and loyal to their town.
downers: a little corrupt.

eateries:( many of these are establishments, where keyport elders ate, and still eat today, those ...

Oakland NJ is a small town located in Bergen County Dirty Jersey. Even tho its a small town big things happen there. Pleasure Land was a public swimming pool that people from all over NJ and NY would come to play. Well any Weird New Jersey will tell you about the murder and closing shortly after. Oakland then appeared in the news for another murder at an Exxon gas station by a town resident. along with a few robberies Oakland has made a name for itself. Oakland is full of amazing views of 287 and 208. Oakland also has a few places to get a good meal. Mikes dog hut, Oakland Diner, Dairy Queen, and Oakland Pizza are yummy spots in Oakland. Many Oaklanders are asked if they are from Cali. No we are from Jersey. I wouldnt be at the Jersey Shore if i lived in Cali trust me. All in all Oakland is a nice place to visit but you cant afford to live there.