WRITER: "Oh, that's terrible."
WRITER'S BRAIN: (What luck! My strange and unique relationship with this person will make for a compelling chapter in my yet-to-be-written memoir!)
WRITER'S HEART: (You are a bastard.)
WRITER'S BRAIN: (I know. What a memoir moment.)
WRITER'S BALLS: (Write about it anyway.)
MOTHER: "Have you been taking your medication?"