Medical cure for blue balls outlawed in many states as a result of the war on penis.
Off the record, the doc can tell you what shit needs to get done.
Patient: Doc, my balls hurt real bad.
Doc: Groovy, it looks like you need the medicine of love.
Doc: I am prescribing medical masturbation maaaaan.
Patient: I fucking love you!
(Patient hugs Doc)
Doc: Just doing my job.