|29.||The Nick Condition|
The Nick Condition thankfully rarely seen disease, with several common and a few not so common symptoms. It's created from a bacterial organism, known as a Tadiumvir (often called the Nick Bug) It is carried through sperm, and grows in the childs brain. Early childhood symptoms include misfitism and hate from the other children.more...
As the subject approaches puberty, the Nick Bug is fully grown, and begins to secret feces onto the brain. This confuses and poisons the brain, leaving the many symptoms listed in full here:
-Lack of Common Sense
-Denial of Lonliness
-Denial of Homosexuality
-Constant itching of the penis, testicles, gooch and asscrack
-Delightful sensations from anal penetration
-Horribly thick and wiry hair
-Chronic fucked up haircut
-Mild hallucinations (for example, the subject making airplane sounds or believing he/she has friends)
-Lack of dress sense (large, bulky winter jackets, Dragonball Z shirts and gray sweat pants that are too tight are common)
-Interest in unbelievably childish things
-Poor eyesight, requiring glasses
-Useless ears that not only prevent him from hearing you hate him, but also make his glasses fall off, requiring a rope or string attachment, often found on librarians and old bitches
-Several learning disorders including ADD, ADHD, Teretts, Fucktardation
-Denial of Fucktardedness
-Lack of muscle or fat
-Vulnerability to beatings
The act of masturbating oneself into a near coma. Blood wanks occur as a result of massive sexual frustration and unobtainable relief. Hordes of comic book collectors have drawn blood in frenzied orgies of embittered masturbation on an almost daily basis. The only way to cure a blood wanker is take him to a brothel and get him everything he needs.
"Have you read the latest issue of 2000AD?"
"Not had time. Serious blood wank week."
1. The condition which arises from extended periods without poon, or having sex. Patients suffer from poonitis will experience a burning in the loins for the heat of a woman's genitals, depression, loss of self esteem and will moan things such as "poon!" and "I need to get some." While masturbation may relieve the symptoms of poonitis temporarily it provides no real cure and the intense burning of the loins will return. The only known cure for poonitis is in fact the heat of a woman's genitals, or sex. If left untreated poonitis can result in loss of vision, malnutrition and even death.
2. Some people are immune to poonitis most notably, Clay Aiken and Senator Larry Craig. Although the reason for this is remains unclear.
1. "Dude I haven't had any in 2 months, I'm afraid I've got poonitis."
2. "Ever since I broke up with my girlfriend I've had poonitis. But now it's getting really severe, I think I've started going blind!"
3. "It has been one long year since we have lost Jimmy to poonitis. If only he had not tried to wait till marriage he might be with us today."
Fat flaps that hang down like saddle bags from the chest of males. Scorp Tits develop over years, and are usually the by-product of morbid inactivity.
An unusual medical condition resulting from this condition is called "Singular Swollascorptitacus," in which one Scorp Tit is noticeably larger than the other. Males with this condition often report uncontrollable masturbation in their sleep, particularly while on vacation with family or friends. Even if awoken from this trance-like state, the person afflicted will continue to masturbate, while his one free hand gently caresses one of his Scorps. There is no known cure for this disease, although many have tried the method of igniting a lighter to the penis head of the afflicted male while in his trance. This has producted mixed results, however most being messy.
The lifecycle of a Scorp Tit is as follows: baby spuds, budding manbreasts, hairy double stuffs, and finally--lard twins.
"We were all having a good time at the lake until ole fatass Tungette's Scorp Tits kicked in again. Damn I thought Jeff was gonna try and find a blowtorch to burn his flesh sword off with."
Type 1 Senioritis:more...
Most common form of "senioritis" and most contagious.
It tends to manifest itself when a fourth year high school student is half way through the first semester, waiting for winter vacation. This may last till graduation
symptoms within the student:
1. Lack of homework completion
2. Procrastination through reasoning
a."Fck it, I can pass the class without these last homework assignments";
b."Ill do it tomorrow before homeroom"
*tomorrow comes, home room ends*
"Ill do it during my free"
*fails to do homework during free, free ends*
-fails to hand in homework
"Ill do it tonight, and hand it in tomorrow..I'll still get some points"
3. Last Minute Cramming
4. Student often questions him/her self if they actually have senioritis, yet they blame
all shortcomings on it.
5. Wasting time on Facebook, Myspace or even World of Warcraft(more severe)
6. Increase in the use of Slang
7. Increase in Sexual Activity (heterosexual , masturbation, massive orgyprom,etc)
Type 2 senioritis:
This form of senioritis can be found among students who boast higher averages, or those who just have more of an inclement workload. This type of senioritis is rather complicated, resulting in ...
|34.||Flesh Eating Cum Virus|
An awful disease in which male semen act like sizzling, hot lava when they become airborne. This devastating disease originated in Rome, Italy in 567 B.C. It began when a goat's ballsack erupted and all the man juice landed on a nearby vagina, burning it to ashes. It is sexually transmitted. Masturbation and sexual activity become extremely dangerous. Not like Bond dangerous, like Charles Manson dangerous. There is no known cure.
Look at that Native American's Hands, he must have Flesh Eating Cum Virus!
Bleu Balls (French for blue) is nearly intolerable pain for a man. This happens when his balls swell to a larger size because of the lack of sex, unfinished blowjobs, and just not ejaculating when he should. Also can be brought on by getting overly excited over just seeing, touching or anything a woman ( or man) of his desire and not releasing the pressure of sperm or achieving orgasm.
Possible Cure: masturbation, sex, cold show, swimming
Women could understand the pain if they reflected on how they feel when their monthly period starts.
"I went out with the hottest girl last night but after I got home I couldn't sleep because I had a case of the bleu balls."
"My girlfriend keeps giving me bleu balls because she won't give it up."
"Sometimes I'd rather have a kick in the nuts then bleu balls."