64
to pleasure oneself; to extract semen manually
Today Johnny wanted to masturbate, but was worried that his mother would catch him and tell him that he would go blind.
#bashing the candle#bleeding the weasel#bleedin the weed#buffing the banana#bopping the baloney#burping the worm#choking the chicken#cleaning your rifle#corking the bat#cranking the shank#cuffing the carrot#fisting your mister#flogging your dog#floggin the frog#flogging the hog#flogging the log#flute solo#jerkin'the gherkin#looping the mule#manual override#painting the pickle#pocket pinball#pocket pool#polishing the banister#polishing the rocket#pounding your flounder#pumping the python#roping the pony#spanking the monkey#teasing the weasel#tossing the turkey#walking the dog#whipping the willy#wonking your cronker#yanking the crank#jingling the change#beat it#beat off#jack off#whack off#whack it#jack it#wank#wank off#crank one out#twist one off#beat the meat#pump the porpoise#bejizza#petting the weasel#pinch the one-eyed snake#flog the dolphin#whittle the woodblock#beat the bishop#slap the salami#spank the dolphin#pull the pork#polish one’s gun#shine the silver#to smack little johnny behind his german helmet and purple bulbous ear#do the five knuckle shuffle#have a date with jill#beat around the bush#flick the sausage#punch the purple ninja#juice the snake#peel the banana#milk the cow#squeeze the purple-headed yogurt-slinger#slap the monkey#tame the dragon#go bowling be oneself#hit a homerun in the homefield#shimmy up and down the pole of love#initiate the saturn v#turn on the sprinklers#turn on the love hose#punch the clown in the nose#tweek the deek#hit the dick#tallywhack#soil the kleenex#smother the hanky#tootin’ your horn#fighting the purple helmet warrior#rubbing the one-eyed snake#committing spermicide#taking your turn at the self-serve station#fishing with your zipper trout#beating the shit out of your midget friend#makin’ mayo#polishing the family jewels#test-firing the old meat missile#put some mayonnaise on the knuckle sandwich#shake hands with uncle dick#grease the rod#squash the bug#shake hands with your penis#squeeze the éclair#fuck oneself#awaken the slumbering giant#flick the dick#practice ju-dick-su#train oneself in kung-penis#play one’s oboe#rob the sperm bank#make your elephant laugh so hard that he squirts milk out his trunk#to cockadoodledoo#make your worm sneeze#visit the fountain of youth#spray the butter#spray the cool-whip#get your smack on#smack it#smack off#pump the hydrant#evacuate one’s testicles#practice stick-shift#cuff the duke#fly the airplane#shift gears#pull the goalie#hand shandy#saying hi to madame palm and her five lovely sisters#fire one’s death star#throwing the javelin#taming the one-eyed ogre#one-hand solo#shaking hands with mr. happy#tuning the fork#playing the ace#wack the weasel#and tug the tortoise
by Skeet Masta May 08, 2006
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65
*some of the* slang words for masturbation: bashing the candle, Bleeding the weasel, bleedin the weed, buffing the banana, bopping the baloney, burping the worm, choking the chicken, cleaning your rifle, corking the bat, cranking the shank, cuffing the carrot, fisting your mister, flogging your dog, floggin the frog, flogging the hog, flogging the log, flute solo, jerkin'the gherkin, looping the mule, manual override, painting the pickle, pocket pinball, pocket pool, polishing the banister, polishing the rocket, pounding your flounder, pumping the python, roping the pony, spanking the monkey, teasing the weasel, tossing the turkey, walking the dog, whipping the willy, wonking your cronker, yanking the crank, and waxing your carrot.
Now... Banning fantasizing about your neighbors wife? Well what else is a man supposed to think about while he's waxing his carrotmasturbate?
-Source: George Carlin
by Aazn January 24, 2006
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66
To rub or do something to your own private parts for sexual pleasure.
You want to masturbate? It isn't a good idea for your sexual health.
by coolquack7 November 11, 2014
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67
when a man slowly and while getting quicker rubs his penis up and down when he is horny until he ejaculates. results in extreme satisfaction.
last night i walked in on my brother masturbating. it made me horny so i stole his playboy, took off all my clothes, and started to masturbate in my room.
by AlwaysBord April 09, 2007
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68
stimulate one's own genitals for sexual pleasure.
stimulate the genitals of (someone) to give them sexual pleasure. to make yourself feel so good and tingle-y inside when your bored or horney and when you make yourself feel fucking amazing.. here's an example for girls lay backwards on a bed and spread your legs a little apart.. then put your hands in your pants (if you're wearing them) and open your vagina lips with your index finger and middle finger.. once you've opened your vagina gently move your middle finger around (up and down, side to side, counterclockwise) whatever pleases you most.. rub gently up and down.. now after awhile your pussy will get used to your fingers, now is time for your middle finger to be a little more aggressive.. moving farther down the pussy gives you a tingley-feeling and going in and out of your hole feels really good now if your pretty gentle it might make a squeezing sound of your vagina licquids or cum (this is normal) by now your body is probably movin all around your bed with your finger be used it feels so good.. it helps to close your eyes and moan a little.. spreading your index and ring finger a little further will give you more access to rubbing.... side effects will probably give your pussy a tingle
I love to make myself feel pleasure.. it's called to masturbate
by okcatsanddogsgivemehappy May 28, 2015
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69
its a proven fact that if girls masturbate more then 4 times a week the chances of getting cancer goes down 1/4
wow my chances go down 1/4..im gonna go masturbate
by siemens47 February 28, 2007
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70
Something that Jesus watches you do. Especially when you are stuck in a porta-john and an angry tranny is banging on the door shouting "GO FASTER!"
As Bob stared at the midgets having sex on his computer monitor, he pulled out his pecker and masturbated. As he was in the middle of wankin' one out, he noticed it was dark outside and noticed a bluish light flash outside his window and heard a huge thunder. Suddenly, LIGHTNING STRUCK HIS HOUSE AND EVERYONE DIED!

And on that fine day, Jesus said the two words in a booming voice that humanity will forever cherish, "Don't masturbate."
by MrCat January 24, 2015
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