to pleasure oneself; to extract semen manually
Today Johnny wanted to masturbate, but was worried that his mother would catch him and tell him that he would go blind.
#bashing the candle #bleeding the weasel #bleedin the weed #buffing the banana #bopping the baloney #burping the worm #choking the chicken #cleaning your rifle #corking the bat #cranking the shank #cuffing the carrot #fisting your mister #flogging your dog #floggin the frog #flogging the hog #flogging the log #flute solo #jerkin'the gherkin #looping the mule #manual override #painting the pickle #pocket pinball #pocket pool #polishing the banister #polishing the rocket #pounding your flounder #pumping the python #roping the pony #spanking the monkey #teasing the weasel #tossing the turkey #walking the dog #whipping the willy #wonking your cronker #yanking the crank #jingling the change #beat it #beat off #jack off #whack off #whack it #jack it #wank #wank off #crank one out #twist one off #beat the meat #pump the porpoise #bejizza #petting the weasel #pinch the one-eyed snake #flog the dolphin #whittle the woodblock #beat the bishop #slap the salami #spank the dolphin #pull the pork #polish one’s gun #shine the silver #to smack little johnny behind his german helmet and purple bulbous ear #do the five knuckle shuffle #have a date with jill #beat around the bush #flick the sausage #punch the purple ninja #juice the snake #peel the banana #milk the cow #squeeze the purple-headed yogurt-slinger #slap the monkey #tame the dragon #go bowling be oneself #hit a homerun in the homefield #shimmy up and down the pole of love #initiate the saturn v #turn on the sprinklers #turn on the love hose #punch the clown in the nose #tweek the deek #hit the dick #tallywhack #soil the kleenex #smother the hanky #tootin’ your horn #fighting the purple helmet warrior #rubbing the one-eyed snake #committing spermicide #taking your turn at the self-serve station #fishing with your zipper trout #beating the shit out of your midget friend #makin’ mayo #polishing the family jewels #test-firing the old meat missile #put some mayonnaise on the knuckle sandwich #shake hands with uncle dick #grease the rod #squash the bug #shake hands with your penis #squeeze the éclair #fuck oneself #awaken the slumbering giant #flick the dick #practice ju-dick-su #train oneself in kung-penis #play one’s oboe #rob the sperm bank #make your elephant laugh so hard that he squirts milk out his trunk #to cockadoodledoo #make your worm sneeze #visit the fountain of youth #spray the butter #spray the cool-whip #get your smack on #smack it #smack off #pump the hydrant #evacuate one’s testicles #practice stick-shift #cuff the duke #fly the airplane #shift gears #pull the goalie #hand shandy #saying hi to madame palm and her five lovely sisters #fire one’s death star #throwing the javelin #taming the one-eyed ogre #one-hand solo #shaking hands with mr. happy #tuning the fork #playing the ace #wack the weasel #and tug the tortoise
by Skeet Masta May 08, 2006
Top Definition
All the slang words for masturbation: bashing the candle, Bleeding the weasel, bleedin the weed, buffing the banana, bopping the baloney, burping the worm, choking the chicken, cleaning your rifle, corking the bat, cranking the shank, cuffing the carrot, fisting your mister, flogging your dog, floggin the frog, flogging the hog, flogging the log, flute solo, jerkin'the gherkin, looping the mule, manual override, painting the pickle, pocket pinball, pocket pool, polishing the banister, polishing the rocket, pounding your flounder, pumping the python, roping the pony, spanking the monkey, teasing the weasel, tossing the turkey, walking the dog, whipping the willy, wonking your cronker, yanking the crank.
Vote for the clit commander. and may the clit live on
by The clit commander April 10, 2003
What you do when there is nothing to do.
When I woke up in the middle of the night, I took off my clothes and started to masturbate.
by KawaiiAnime November 02, 2003
1.) What you do when your girlfriend is not at home.

2.) The reason why people buy playboys.

3.) The reason why old people are having more heart attacks.

4.) The reason why birth-rate decreased by 60% in the last 20 years.

5.) What 30% of the world population is doing now.
The old man had several heart attacks due to his recent masturbations. He had too much excitement
by Jake April 22, 2005
To sexually exite yourself until you reach a climax. With males it involves using their hand to 'jack off', that is holding their dicks and moving their hand back and forth. Females usually use their fingers to rub around and enter the vaginal area.
"His girlfriend was miles away and he was very loyal so whenever he got horny he masturbated to satiate his thirst for sexual activity"
by Little Blue Patakha January 15, 2003
To sexually pleasure oneself to orgasm. Usually better than sex, because, not only do you know what you want better than a partner, there's no risk of STD or pregnancy! Everyone does it, though most people don't like to admit to it.
Betty: I masturbate, what's wrong with it?

Jane: Ew! You mean you touch yourself?

Betty: Yes...

Jane:...is it good?
by LuffySP June 28, 2005
the process of pleasing yourself sexually.
the old man masturbated until he died.
by the meat man November 01, 2002
to increase the surface temperature of your ship's main cannon with rapid linear motion
I masturbated and sunk your battleship
by tae April 26, 2003
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