1.) What you do when your girlfriend is not at home.

2.) The reason why people buy playboys.

3.) The reason why old people are having more heart attacks.

4.) The reason why birth-rate decreased by 60% in the last 20 years.

5.) What 30% of the world population is doing now.
The old man had several heart attacks due to his recent masturbations. He had too much excitement
by Jake April 22, 2005

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

Create a mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

Buy the t-shirt

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt
Waxing the Turtle or shaving the carrot.
Frederick woke up with a boner so he went in the bathroom and waxed his turtle.

He really needed to blow his load so he shaved the carrot in the shower.

"It means masturbate if you haven't got that ar tard!"
by PeckMcGee August 20, 2008

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

Create a mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

Buy the t-shirt

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt
*some of the* slang words for masturbation: bashing the candle, Bleeding the weasel, bleedin the weed, buffing the banana, bopping the baloney, burping the worm, choking the chicken, cleaning your rifle, corking the bat, cranking the shank, cuffing the carrot, fisting your mister, flogging your dog, floggin the frog, flogging the hog, flogging the log, flute solo, jerkin'the gherkin, looping the mule, manual override, painting the pickle, pocket pinball, pocket pool, polishing the banister, polishing the rocket, pounding your flounder, pumping the python, roping the pony, spanking the monkey, teasing the weasel, tossing the turkey, walking the dog, whipping the willy, wonking your cronker, yanking the crank, and waxing your carrot.
Now... Banning fantasizing about your neighbors wife? Well what else is a man supposed to think about while he's waxing his carrotmasturbate?
-Source: George Carlin
by Aazn January 24, 2006

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

Create a mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

Buy the t-shirt

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt
Put some mayonaise on the knuckle sandwich, shake hands with uncle dick
I was putting some mayonaise on my knuckle sandwich when my mom walked in
by Humpty August 17, 2003

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

Create a mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

Buy the t-shirt

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt
Something done to one's body to relieve horniness. When a woman's pussy becomes wet, she will massage her clitoris and other surrounding pubic areas. Also, she may slide a finger/fingers/toy/small object into her pussy to imitate a penis. Men's dicks will become hard when they are horny, so they resort to rubbing their penis up and down causing stimulating friction. These physical interactions are also sometimes accompanied by audio or visual stimulation.
I came home feeling really horny after reading definition #7 of Horny on Urban Dictionary. I went into my bathroom and grabbed my tube of lube and a Q-tip. I carried these things into my room where I slid off my skirt and panties and flopped onto my bed with a sigh. I spread my thighs open and coated the Q-tip with lube. I then started gently rubbing around my clit with the Q-tip. I shuddered and smiled. As I rubbed, I got closer and closer to my clit and started moaning. Then i reached my hand up my blouse and started rubbing and grabbing my nipples. I continued to grope my boobs as I got even closer to my clit. Then, I hit it. I shuddered and squealed with delight. I rubbed diagonally across my clit which drove me nuts. Then I threw down the Q-tip and dug my fingers toward my clit. I started massaging it with one finger, then two, then my whole hand. I arched my back and screamed with pleasure. Then, I slipped my middle finger into my pussy, while still massaging my clit. I pulled it in and out. Then I hit my g-spot. I cummed everywhere. I got up, still rubbing my clit, and got my vibrator, then sprawled back onto the bed. 10 minutes later, I was asleep with my fingers on my clitoris and my vibrator in my pussy. I love to masturbate.
by SomeRandomUDUser July 18, 2016

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

Create a mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

Buy the t-shirt

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt
M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.E is short for Modern Arts Standardization from Ultra Rare Academic of Thoughts and Elements, a organization that stardardize the art for every uses and academic uses.
Bro, I want to MASTURBATE.

Dude, you can go to M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.E, there are lots of works for you to use.
by My2ndAngelic November 18, 2015

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

Create a mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

Buy the t-shirt

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt
Scratch your itch, diddle the skittle, wanking
"Wut r ur plans for tonite rhonda?"
"No plans. Prolly gonna sit at home n' masturbate."
by GypsieGurl7892 March 23, 2014

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

Create a mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

Buy the t-shirt

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt
the act of sticking your finger in your p**sy and moving it around to sexualy please yourself.
sam" Whatd ya do last night?"
Pam" i had to masturbate yself just cause it feels to good"
by masturbategrl July 19, 2008

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

Create a mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

Buy the t-shirt

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt