Linux is one of the most powerful contraceptives ever. The more one learns about Linux, the more powerful its fertility-stealing powers become.

Typical Linux users are a sensitive lot. This is because their entire self-esteem is tied up in knowing obscure piping and scripting techniques that nobody in the real world gives a fuck about. Supposedly, this makes them smarter. If a Linux user feels threatened about the coming obsolescence of his beloved OS, untold havoc will be unleashed. This will eventually produce lulz. For this reason, we reveal here the easiest ways to troll a Linux message board or IRC channel.

*If the subject of distros comes up, reply, "Yes, but what can <insert distro name> do that Ubuntu can't do?

*Claim that the Windows kernel design is better than Linux.

*Warn everyone that Mactel will destroy Desktop Linux

*Ask "But can it run BSD?"

*If the subject of CLI comes up, reply, "But you could do that with DOS twenty years ago!"

*Predict that Solaris will eventually destroy Linux

*Make completly baseless claims that you are the CEO of a major corportion (don't specify which one!) and say you see no future in Linux.

*Tell everyone that Linux isn't ready for grandma

*Quote Theo de Raadt

*Remind all Linux users that they are still virgins

*Point out that the BSD License is infinitely superior to the GPL

*Incessantly ask every user about what parts of the code in their kernel were stolen from SCO.

*Let it be known that you appreciate Clippy

*Ask if Wine can run <insert program here> yet.

*Use the phrase "total cost of ownership."

*Ask for advise on finding quality Linux games.

*Say that Linux is inferior for development because it doesn't have Visual Basic .NET

*Make it known that $699 (the fee you legally owe SCO if you use Linux) is $300 more than the price Windows Server 2003 Web Edition, which has more features, greater stability, and has been shown time and time again to have a higher ROI.
Fun things you can do with Linux:

*Update your drivers.

*Brag about your kernals.

*Say you use Linux (which will get your ass kicked)

*Eat KFC chicken around the clock.

*Manually edit config files

*Keep your virginity

*Uhh, well thats pretty much it.
by 1A1EC1E730C2 April 06, 2008
If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"
Sorry, this is the best analogy on the subject of linux, has been around for a long time, and is anonymous.

BTW, linux is the kernel, GNU/GPL software make up the rest of the OS and apps. GNU/Linux is the way lawyers will say it in court.
by danw December 22, 2003
It's just an operating system folks, not a religion.
Sure it's an incredibly versatile and stable operating system, but it's not the holy grail.
by Tiado June 22, 2004
An excellent operating system that is more stable than Microsoft's Windows. Good for server use, but not practical for the average (aka home or gamer) user since it isn't compatible with most programs.

Notably used by either people who do know what they're doing, or immature idiots who think they're "l337" because they spited "M$" out of money (and seemingly wrote 90% of the definitions on this word as well).
Linux is a good OS, but it's most vocal users are hypociritcal idiots.
by NeoChaos November 16, 2003
An overblown "Wal-Mart" OS written by programmers who lack the balls and social skills to walk their own dog. How many of these fucks actually own a house, anyway? Suppossed to be an alternative to Windows but is way overrated, has shit for features and a lousy, cryptic GUI. This is how fucked up Linux is: Novell bought SuSE. That's the kiss-of-death. Ask them what their installed base is? BTW...hackers prefer Windows only because it's more prevalent. If Linux's installed base hits decent numbers in maybe the next 20 years, that turdball OS will be picked apart like a dead dog in the desert.
The calculator froze up again. Oh, that runs on a Linux kernel.

He just started developing Linux apps and is already asking me to borrow money.

I took the IP chains off my laptop and now I can't access my dick.

John from Novell emailed again. Just redirect his emails to the Salvation Army, thanks.
by s6 June 28, 2005
Pronunciation: LIH-nucks or LIE-nucks

1. A reimplementation of the UNIX operating system kernel, written by Linus Torvalds, and distributed for free on the Internet. Linux has acheived remarkable compatibility with UNIX, from the point of view of a programmer compiling his software from the source code. Software originally written for UNIX can usually be compiled to run on Linux with no modifications. Linux binaries cannot run on UNIX systems that don't have Linux compatibility on purpose. Linux can be made to run binaries from SCO OpenServer via the Intel Binary Compatibility Standard (IBCS).

Linux is more compatible with UNIX systems that descend from UNIX System V than it is with BSD systems such as FreeBSD.

2. The Linux kernel, bundled with application programs like those that come with UNIX. When these applications are products of the Free Software Foundation, the combination is called GNU/Linux (the G in GNU is pronounced).

When the kernel is combined with applications, the result is called a Linux "distribution." Some distributions are commercially sold and have their own brand names.

3. A registered trademark of Linus Torvalds.

4. A religion practiced largely on the USENET newsgroup comp.os.linux.advocacy. The primary ritual of Linux is arguing endlessly with one of two denominations of Linux practitioners: Linux advocates, and Windows advocates, over whether or not Linux is better than Microsoft Windows. The arguments that make up the ritual can be divided into five categories: Linux sucks, Linux rules, Windows sucks, Microsoft sucks and personal insults.

Linux practitioners are even more fervent than computer users who engage in other so-called "religious wars" such as the classic EMACS vs. Vi.

3. A registered trademark of Linus Torvalds.

Linux (the operating system) looks and feels very much like Sun Solaris, despite the fact that it is not based on the original UNIX kernel, and even its shell commands are complete rewrites of the originals.

GNOME, the graphical interface of Solaris, was written for Linux first.

Since its inception in 1991, Linux has become the most popular UNIX-like operating system, beating Solaris, and even UNIX-based Mac OS X.
1. ~ 2.6 does better under heavy load than ~ 2.4 did.

2. We have a web server running Red Hat ~.
by Shaka Zulu September 03, 2004
A computer operating system known primarily for its stability and its involvement with the Free Software and Open Source Software movements.
When I ran Windows I had to reboot every day, but since I've switched to Linux I now count my time between reboots in months.
by Anonymous Coward June 21, 2003
NOT AN OPERATING SYSTEM!!!!!!!!

Linux is a KERNEL, NOT AN OPERATING SYSTEM started by Linus Torvalds in 1991 at University of Helsinki in Finland. Linux was at first just a hobby for Linus. Linux is free software.

It just so happened that just when Linux was getting usable, GNU had everything it needed except a kernel. Thus, people started using Linux with GNU to make a completely free UNIX-like operating system called GNU/Linux.

Today Linux and GNU/Linux have come a long way from the early 1990's, although they're still mostly used by geeks.
Linux is at version 2.6.xx as of mid 2005.
by a thing June 11, 2005

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