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110.
Ah, Linux,
The April fool's joke of the computing world and an embarrassment to the open-source philosophy. The brat that hasn't learned to shut the fuck up and do something more productive to its cause. The hacking tool used by script kiddies who think they are "l337 haxors" after typing 10 lines of code in Pearl. A prime example of how group-think leads to less productive activity. Communism in electronic form. Now Im sure we all have by now heard the same old cliches about old Tux being the best thing since sliced bread, but eventually, they just beg to be examined a little more, as follows.

1) Linux is free.

And I'm the king of Peru. If it really is free, then the Linux sites would have no pop-up windows and ads asking for donations. Getting Luddix may be "free", but having to end up buying up to $200 worth of new hardware just to run a computer at 1/20 the speed of Windows 95 throws the whole concept of free out the door.

Also the "Free as in Beer" line is pure bullshit, because the can of Budweiser I got at the store cost me $1.39, and it costs money to get whole-grain wheat flour to create home-brewed alcohol.
And no, dumb-ass, speech is not free either. If you don't believe me, try going up to a cop and string some four-letter words in his face, nd see if he will respect your freedom of speech.


2) Linux is fast and does not contain bloat-ware like Micro$hit Windoze.

If you think Microsoft Windows is bloat-ware, you haven't tried Red Hat, ELX, or SusE, because THOSE define bloat-ware. Up to 7 CDs full of useless junk right there. And Luddix is fast alright, compared to the time it takes for Neptune to circle around the Sun. And you won't believe how much RAM a typical Lunix distribution gobbles up. Better make sure you have an extra 512MB stick of RAM handy. (Note: If you want to see a fast operating system that's not Linux, check out BeOS at www.bebits.com. Now THAT, my friend, is fast!)


3) Linux gives you choices.

That would have been fine if there were 4 distributions. Hell, that would have been okay if there were 9 distros. But 300 distros is fucking insane, especially if 293 of them suck shit through a straw.

4) with Linux, you have a wide variety of GUIs and applications.

Yeah, too bad they are all poorly-designed, and look like ripoffs of anything that Microsoft or Apple makes. Not to mention, having to type 30 fucking lines of code just to get the program to open is pure joy.


5) 2005/2004/2000/1999/1998: The Year of the Linux Desktop.

The year came and went, Windows and MacOS logos are still flashing on the screens of those who are not blessed with the faggotry of geekism. Where oh where did Tux go? The kernel that every computer "expert" hyped would be the killer of Micro$oft? Surely Walmart can't hold up the weight of the Linux community with its $300 Linspire boxes (which end up being a dirt cheap way of installing Windows on a new computer) Looks like the Lin-zealots lied to us again, which is typical of those bastards. And it's also hard to believe that it's been over 10 years, and the fucking penguins STILL haven't created anything that even Apple would give a shit about.


6) Linux is more secure and easier to improve than Windoze.

Until the terrorists, cultists, and malicious coders get their hands on Lunix. If they haven't already. After all, it is open-source, and by definition, open-source means that everybody gets to contribute their input into the kernel.


7) The Linux community is willing to lend a helping hand to those not familiar to the kernel.

If a helping hand means,
(a) telling grandma to RTFM and
(b) posting 9 spelling-error-filled pages of insults, death-threats, and jokes about gay sex/male body parts/fairy-tale creatures on a Linux message board because she politely asked how to get her sound card to work,
then surely the Luddix community is the most generous group in the world.


8) Linux is more stable than Windoze

I like that, plus the fact that you can't run anything without 200 dependencies (see dependency) or 30 lines of code.


Now that we're done breaking down the crap, here are some things the Lunatix community has no choice but to fix, if they ever want old Tux to be on more than 0.0003% of all desktops.

1) GET RID OF X! It is a waste of resources and useless as a desktop GUI. At least the guy who created Damn Small Linux had the right idea, and as a result, created a distro that actually isn't bloat-ware.

2) Get rid of all those useless fucking window managers and themes. They add more bloat to the system.

3) Get rid of the snobs, l337 haxors, and religious extremists in your midst. If you ever wonder why nobody is using Linux, it's because these bastards are the loudest and rudest of the bunch.

4) NO MORE TARBALLS OR COMPILES! The software should already be compiled BEFORE it is released, because that's just pure fucking laziness and the programmer deserves to be hanged.

5) Rewrite the entire Lin-architecture so that programs don't need 200 fucking dependencies just to work.

6) Rewrite the entire Lin-architecture so that it doesn't require a 5-hour compile whenever an updated of a text-editor/MP3 player/Tux-Racer game is installed.

7) GET THE FUCKING HARDWARE TO WORK! If the "Winmodem" works on a FreeBSD box and a BeOS box with generic drivers, then there is no excuse for the modem to not work under Linux.

8) Standardization is good, especially when it comes to file packaging and installation.

9) Get rid of all the useless fucking distros that are clogging up the Internet. Nobody is going to use 290 of them anyway, so you might as well just band together and focus your talents and resources (and MY donation money) on the 10 most used distros.

10) Make the emulation PERFECT! If WINE promises to emulate Windows programs, then it damn well better emulate every piece of Windows-compatible software sold at Office Depot or Electronics Boutique. Failure to do so is unacceptable and will result in the purchase of a real OS (Windows XP).
If Average User Joe has to spend 5 hours downloading a 3-CD Linux distro from your crappy servers or end up shelling out $50 to $180 at Best Buy for the same distro because (a) the servers are not available or (b) don't exist, then Joe expects that distro to (1) install flawlessly, (2) work right out of the box, and (3) support all his hardware. If said Linux distro violates any of the three expectations, then don't expect Linux to succeed.
by Tirk Dogg February 28, 2005
 
78.
Crappy computer software that isn't compatible with anything.
Jenny: facebook does not agree with my computer
Hovan: y?
Jenny: it's a linux
Jenny: nothing agrees with my computer
Hovan: boo
by divegrl6 August 18, 2009
 
79.
If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...


Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.


Windows XP Air
You turn up at the airport, the staff help you to your seat. When in the airplane, you experience a little turbulence. You had to pay extra for a plane to fly next to you to protect you from viruses, but it's worth the danger to be in a plane with such a comfortable seat.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. Don't even think of coming on this plane unless you have a degree in physics, engineering and metalworking. You have to assemble your seat out of ill-fitting parts that take hours to find. Your chiropracter gave you a special cushion you have to use during flight, but the staff gently remind you that you need to spend hours looking for a compatibility layer to use it with. You nearly have your seat set up, bar one piece. So you ask the person next to you if he knows where any other pieces are, and he replies with "STFU No0B!! U R A LAMER!!!" You wish you flew with Windows XP.
Linux is useless for everyday programs. For servers, why not, but not every person's XP crashes. In fact, I haven't had a crash in Windows since 98. My Linux is so screwed up though, I can't even copy and paste.
by dRyx. July 22, 2008
 
80.
The best way to spam urbandictionary.com with propaganda and idiotic bullshit
Linus Torvalds is our god, long live Linux, windoze is for losers that don't know how to use a computer.
by discostewpid January 15, 2012
 
81.
Incredibly brilliant and stable OS designed for people who know how computers work if your too stupid then fine stick with windows XP don't complain after you can't compile the kernel source code that you accidently downloaded instead of the pre-compiled version. I'm running a version of linux as I type this (Knoppix)
knoppix runs from CD so you put it in knoppix loads take it out re-boot and then windows is back simple.
having said that though as most programs run only on windows keep it but only if it's XP.
Knoppix, Red Hat, Debian etc.
by Forcemaster August 09, 2004
 
82.
1. An operating system kernel that was developed in 1991 in Helsinki, Poland by a programmer by the name of Linux Torvalds. Torvalds made an interesting choice as to making the kernel open-source, meaning that anyone was allowed to look at the kernel's code, use it, modify it, and/or redistribute it. Over the years, the kernel was patched, modified, and redistributed so many times that it's more stable and secure than Microsoft's Windows NT kernel, which has been doing nothing but collecting dust over the last 20 years.

2. A series of UNIX-like operating systems made using the Linux kernel. Ubuntu, Debian, Fedora, openSuSE, Slackware, Mandriva, Gentoo, these are all popular Linux distributions. Some are made for power-users, others are made for the average user, looking for a better computing experience. Linux has a horrible reputation about not being user friendly, and that's partially true. But more recent versions of Linux such as Debian, Ubuntu, Mandriva, etc. are very user friendly, and have graphical tools so that you wouldn't have to use the command line utility most of the time.
Linux was and always will be the pioneer of the open-source world. The kernel's currently up to release 2.6.39.

Nearly everything we use today, be that calculators, ATMs, or even your own smartphone is powered using Linux. 10 of the world's fastest supercomputers use Linux as its kernel.

GNU/GPL software make up the rest of the operating system and apps. "GNU/Linux" is the way lawyers say it in court.
by teh5abiking July 22, 2011
 
83.
The operating system* little boys employ in a vain attempt to appear computer-savvy due it's perceived complexity, which is really just a convoluted user interface stemming from the lack of higher cognitive ability found in Loonux 'programmers'.

As with any underdog**, you will find a horde of fumbling zealots defending Loonux, who, rather than pose arguments with a rational and verifiable basis, will simply parrot ignorant statements against the operating system(s) that put Loonux to shame (e.g, Windows). More often than not, these lower beings will resort to childish name-calling and irrelevant technical references which further compacts their own ineptitude.

* "Linux" as referred to here is of it's derivatives based on the Linux kernel.

** Windows currently holds 94.3% market share vs Linux's < 1% (As of May, 2009)
If you're ever in need of a guideline on how to write sloppy, inefficient, spaghetti code, then see: linux.org
by A.Senior.Software.Engineer May 10, 2009
 
84.
A poor substitute to the God of computer software: Microsoft Windows.
"Will trade Linux for food."
"Shoo, you filthy beggar!"
by Thies October 27, 2005