lie detector 

A device that is used to find out if a person is lying. They need to ban lie detectors because they are not always right. Sometimes they say a person had lied when they really didn't lie.

Lie detectors are stupid.

lie detector by David March 6, 2004

alabama lie detector

A police baton. Draws a reference to the outdated practice of using a baton to filter the truth from a suspect.

"Deputy Dwane, get my alabama lie detector. Looks like we've got us a live one"

alabama lie detector by sfy January 6, 2008

Tillamook County Lie Detector Test 

A practice used by cruel, corrupt, and heavy-handed police officers to force a confession. From the song "Tillamook County Jail" by Todd Snider: "I've got a lump on my head and boot print on my chest/from what the guys in here call the Tillamook County Lie Detector Test/Well I did my best/but it's a tough test not to fail"

Tillamook County is in Oregon, of course.

1st Heavy-handed pig with huge, hairy, pussy-tickler mustache. "Found this hippy hitch-hiking on I-5."

2nd Heavy-handed pig, "Well, administer the Tillamook County Lie Detector Test, and we'll have him confess to vagrancy, illegal trespassing, resisting arrest, and armed robbery. And we'll check the files for any unsolved crimes we can have him confess to."

Tillamook County Lie Detector Test by Alfred E. Pnuemyn January 22, 2011

Rubbermaid™ brand lie-detector 

That huge gray plastic barrel at the curbside in which you mindlessly threw out the nice gift that the child down the street worked so hard to create for you. Said innocently-trusting youngster then happens upon said container before the trash-man has carted it away, of course his tenderly-impressionable eyeballs observe said callously-discarded gift, which of course painfully marks him for life and shows him what a shameless lying a**h**e you actually are to have praisingly told him how much you appreciated his gift and all the work he'd gone through to create it for you.

Here's how to avoid having your Rubbermaid™ brand lie-detector make mincemeat of your stellar reputation with the neighborhood children. First, be sure to prominently-display anything they give you --- such as paper-artwork or a clay sculpture --- inside the front room of your house for at least two or three weeks, so that if the young creators of said "masterpieces" happen over to visit, they will always have their happy pride of your appreciation re-affirmed by seeing their "treasured gifts" still visible for all to see. Then after maybe a month or so, try moving the exhibits further along down the wall or into another room, so that if a child happens to notice the absence of his creation in its "customary" spot, you can just hastily show him that you have merely moved it, but that you do indeed still have it on display. Then, if the youngster doesn't comment any more on the object's absence during subsequent visits or go to the other spot to look at it, you can safely assume that he has lost interest in said object, and so you can then put it away in a desk drawer or someplace else hidden, but where you can still hastily retrieve it again if necessary. Then if there is still no reference to said object within a couple more weeks, THEN AND ONLY THEN can you probably safely discard the item, BUT ONLY IN A MANNER THAT DOES NOT RISK THE CHILD'S SEEING IT... don't just toss it "openly" into a trash can where it can easily be seen by anyone just moseying by!

Rubbermaid™ brand lie-detector by QuacksO November 25, 2018

internet sociopath lie detector 

It's the built internal mechanism that reins in your ability to lie compulsively about your age, sex, hair colour, and/or location on the internet just becuase you can, some people have it, some people don't.

SkitZoe: I was playing elfquest online and I may have told silverkiss123 that I'm a fourteen-year-old emo abuse victim at which point he became very adamant about his love for me and determination to fly in from Belgium and rescue me. Do you think I can pull that off?
Internet Sociopath Lie Detector: That's a no, and now report immediately to church.

internet sociopath lie detector by p@$$ing thr.ugh February 26, 2010

Alaskan lie detector 

Ice water enema. Administered unsuspectingly - usually in a 2 gallon container maintained at 35 degrees Farenheit delivered through all weather tubing secured in place with a 6 inch, stainless steel barbed nozzle. Used exclusively when interrogating your loving partner about her smelling like cheap men's cologne and fresh semen after coming home at 2 AM.

My cheatin' wife thought I was a friggin' moron until I sweet-talked her into doggie style where I whipped out my Alaskan Lie Detector and showed her a new meaning to being a 'cold bitch' ... as we got to the truth of who she was fuckin'.

Alaskan lie detector by KingTigerKommander April 5, 2009

Asians taking a lie detector test 

POV:
ur asian taking a lie detector test
Son: "Hey dad, I took a lie detector test today."
Dad: "Oh ok, what score you get?"
Son: "Uh...it's a lie detector test, dad. There's no score, you either pass or fail."
Dad: "Okay, so did you pass or no?"
Son: "Well, you didn't want me to tell them how you raped my sister, right?"
Dad: "Shhh! Quiet! Someone could here you!"
Son: "Yeah, that's what I thought. Well, I lied about that, so you wouldn't get in trouble."
Dad: "Ok, good boy."
Son: "But the thing is... they detected that I had lied."
Dad: "WHAT??? FBI GUNNA SHOW UP AT DA FRONT DOR ANY MINUT NOW! STOOBID!"

Son: "No dad, they won't. I killed them all before they could call the cops."
Dad: *stares at son for a while* "Okay, good boy. You want some ice cream?"
Son: "Uh....Sure, but that's not all."
Dad: "Oh my god. What now, son? Hah?"
Son: "In order to lie.... I had to fail the test."

Dude 1: Did you hear about those asians taking a lie detector test?
Dude 2: Yeah, I haven't seen 'em since, do you know where they are?
Dude 1: No...

Asians taking a lie detector test by PORGSSSS November 28, 2023