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1.
Kalkara is a small village on the island of malta. This mystical place lies within the heart of a time warp which resulted over 15,000 years ago when 3 black holes close to the north star tried to scissor each other but failed. The outcome of this was a primitive society where modern technology seemed non-existant. Common practices in this vast hostile environment include the "annual chasing of the town priest" , the "internation fuck fest of Bessie il-Qahba" and the daily practice commonly known as "window peeping and rock throwing".

The culinary skills of this society leave much to be desired. Farming seems to be a yet undiscovered practice and instead the natives chase down stray dogs for 3 days every month in order to provide for the hungry mongrels stuck at home screaming their heads of and scratching at the cave walls with their dirty claws.

Suppertime tends to become a barbaric display of nails and baseball bats. One might note that the wildlife around these parts has long been extinct and instead the primitive humans of these parts forage for dust and salty rock to keep the wives quiet.

Outside this barrier, a large establishment conveniently called "the rest of them" has been set up. Observation stations can be accessed by climbing down through manholes which are scattered worldwide. Some complain about the dark and the stench in these observation stations to which the earthbound scientist would occasionally reveal a well guarded secret to those with an IQ higher than 10, which is why the locals are still blissfully unaware of their meaningless existence. Considering that you seem to have opposable thumbs and a basic grasp of how to manage a computer, we at the Folklore Understanding Community of Kalkara (F.U.C.K.), assume that your IQ is in fact above this average...thus:

**WARNING** The following content may not be suitable for those below the age of -6 and for those residing anywhere beyond the milky way (much apologies to our Pfkd-rian commrades). If you do not satisfy the basic requirements states above, or are a Kalkara native and have requested assistance in order to get here, please, for the love of bob, look away now!

"The station you are in is in fact a manhole and nothing else...yes, its a shithole...and trust me thats about all you'll see if you were to see the real thing charlie :) Now go get lunch"
Doris ta' Kalkara tat xebgha xkupa lil Pawlu tal-Haxi (yes, that's "Tal-Haxi"...local family names are messed up...BIG TIME!)
by L-iehor May 22, 2008