1. A person who practices the religion of Judaism, regardless of his or her ethnicity.
2. A person who was raised in a Jewish family and considers himself an ethnic Jew.
3. A person who is intelligent and has an above average dick, but who doesn't brag about it because he doesn't want to make his Christian friends jealous.
I don't go to temple, but my father was Jewish. If you want to call me a Jew, that's fine with me.
by methehebrew100 August 20, 2009
The opposite of a real person.
"Did we just hit something?"

"It's okay, I think it was a Jew."
by Your Real Dad May 27, 2009
Someone who contradicts their spirit in an unimpressive fashion.
Eli'sha: 'God's cool!'
Eli'jah: 'I like it when you're not being a jew.'
by MC Impious October 30, 2008
Jews are a cultural, ethnic, and religious group with origins in the Middle East. They were exiled from their land thousands of years ago by the ancient Romans and wandered throughout the world, while holding onto their cultural traditions and language the entire time. The return of Jews to the land of Israel in modern times is considered a miracle by many, both Jews and non-Jews. Whether miracle or not, it is an amazing historic event. Modern genetic studies have shown that Jews from all over Europe, Iran, Iraq, Morocco, Algeria, and many other places have a close genetic relationship based on their common Israelite origin; also, they have an admixture of genes from neighboring peoples, so Jews are no more or less a race than are Armenians, Swedes, Greeks, etc.
The one characteristic that stands out in Jewish culture is the ability to look at the world in a new way. That's why people such as Abraham, Jesus, Freud, Marx, Einstein, and many others, have changed our basic outlook on the world.
Unfortunately, many people do not understand Jews and Judaism very well. The fact that this group has been subject to attempts to eliminate them through genocide (Nazi Germany, the Crusades, ancient Persia, ancient Egypt) has left a trauma on the Jewish national consciousness. In the modern era, genocidal intentions against the Jewish people remain a threat, chiefly by practitioners of Jihad terrorism, abetted by a propaganda war against the State of Israel in the world media. Ironically, despite the "stinginess" stereotype, Jews give more to charities than any other ethnic group. Jews do like to get a good deal, though. Why pay retail?
Neighbor: "I see you've got your bags packed. Going on vacation?"

Jewish Guy: "No, I'm Jewish."

Observer: "When you get two Jews together why are there three opinions?"

Jewish Guy: ""We're saving one for a rainy day."

by Edwin D. R. February 02, 2008
Group of people who follow judaism.
seem to be most hated people on the planet ether because there history of success with money and business or there history of claiming prophethood and divinity causing them to be exiled on almost every possible place on the east side of the planet earth.
You shouldn't hate Jews just because somebody told you too.
by zip_coon August 08, 2007
To Jew involves taking a 1p or 2p piece and skimming it acroos the ground whilst shouting "JEW!" at the top of your voice, thus provoking a mass bundle on top of the coin, the winner being he or she that claims the coin.

It is also possible to "SILVER JEW!" which, naturally, requires a coin of 5p or above. To my knowledge, no-one ever jewed a pound.
Dan: "JEW!"

All: "JEW!"
by Weelydangle May 08, 2007
a member of Judaism, usually easily identifiable by their horns and tiny penises. Jews are cheap as hell, often trying to negotiate prices even at corporate retail stores. Jews are known to kill innocent children and steal their organs for profit. Money is the measure of man for Jews. Also known as kike, heeb, yid, and oven fodder.
That dumb Jew tried to talk down the price by ten cents.
by kilog1000 September 07, 2009

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