The so called chosen people. But actually every race claims at one point or another to be God's chosen people, the Jews where just the first to call dibs on the name by writing it down.
Tim: Hi there I'm Jewish
Fritz the German: Oh, sorry, here's twenty bucks
Iranian: Don't be sorry that whole thing never happened
Mel Gibson's dad: He's right you know
by Collinf December 20, 2006

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A group of people comprising 0.002% of the world's population yet drawing unproportional amount of media coverage (especially Israeli Jews).
The world is obsessed with Jews. Therefore, the world should get a life.
by sdhgdhdtjhdfjnmfdyjfry November 22, 2006

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1. Someone who practices Judaism.

2. Derogatory term for someone tight with their money or someone not very generous.
1. Kyle from southpark is a Jew

2. You jewish bastard, lend me a cig!!
by matt November 13, 2003

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The only people in the world that are simultaneously hated by both the extreme Left and the extreme Right.

Synonym: scapegoat
"The Jews killed Jesus!"

"The Jews control Hollywood!"

"The Jews caused 9/11!"

"The Jews oppress the Palestinians!"

"The Jews ran over my poodle!"
by Harvey Mama March 03, 2005

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A person of the jewish faith.
by Rabbi Dude November 04, 2003

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Let's Clear up some of the Misconceptions in these postings.

A Jew is a person who's mother is Jewish. (Some streams of Judaism argue that Jewish patrimony can be acquired through the father as well).
Jews are not a race but an eclectic mix of different races, nationalities, and cultures; they are a truly multi-cultural and multi-ethnic people. However, within this mix, there are distinct ethnic groups such as the Ashkenazic and Sephardic Jews that make up the overwhelming majority of the Jewish People.
Most American Jews are of Ashkenazic origin -- usually originating from Eastern Europe or the former Soviet Union. Therefore, American Jews could largely be classified as an ethnic group, hence the characteristic stereotypes, although there are exceptions.
A Jew is not a person who practices Judaism, although most Jews do adhere to some form of Jewish practice or cultural tradition.
A Jew is not an Israeli and an Israeli is not a Jew. An Israeli is a citizen of the state of Israel. While most Israeli's are Jewish, there are also non-Jewish citizens of Israel.
A Jew is not automatically a citizen of the state of Israel. A Jew must apply for and be granted citizenship to the state just like everyone else, although most are awarded citizenship rather easily.
Larry King's parents were Ashkenazic Jews. Therefore, regardless of whether Larry King practices Judaism or not, Larry King is an Ashkenazic Jew.
Larry King is not an Israeli citizen.

by NAteshot March 05, 2006

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1) someone who practises judaism

2) is also a culture/ethnicity, that is to say it has a certain sense of humour, certain type of food and music etc.

3) A person who Mel Gibson talks smack about after he has had too much to drink.
"Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world."
by Clubned August 02, 2006

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Something you blame something.
1) "Ow. I just stubbed my toe. The Jews must be behind this."

2) "My microwave toaster oven just broke, it must have been the Jews."

3) "My dog just died, this must be the work of the Jews."

4) "I just got my license suspended, the Jews are behind this."

5) "I wet my bed, this is because of the Jews."

6) "My hard drive froze because of the Jews."

7) "I almost drowned in a swimming pool, this is the Jews' doing."

8) "I was 15 minutes late to work because of the Jewish religion."

9) "I'm allergic to cats due to there being Jews."

10) I didn't shower today and now I smell because of the Jews.
by The Rapping Rabbi July 19, 2009

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