THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH:
1. He never got married.
2. He never held a steady job.
3. His last request was a drink.
THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN:
1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was always in trouble with the law.
3. His mother didn't know who his father was.
THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN:
1) He talked with his hands.
2) He had wine with every meal.
3) He worked in the building trades.
THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK:
1) He called everybody brother.
2) He had no permanent address.
3) Nobody would hire him.
THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN:
1) He never cut his hair.
2) He walked around barefoot.
3) He invented a new religion.
AND FINALLY, THE PROOF THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:
1) He went into his father's business.
2) He lived at home until the age of 33.
3) He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure He was God.
- Why do Jews get a better deal in Heaven than the rest of them?
- Because they happen to be relatives of the Boss.
March 31, 2013 Urban Word of the Day
Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people(christians).
Jesus:be nice to others.
The dude who mows my lawn.
Jesus, you missed a spot.
A pretty cool guy whose reputation has been run down by his horrible fan-club.
Used by the said fan-club as an excuse to do whatever they decide is “right.”
Dude: “Hey! What the hell are you doing to my car???”
Other dude: “Jesus’ will.”
The light of the world, the one who came and died on the cross to forgive us of all of our sins. There is a religion based on that, called Christianity.
Jesus is the light of the world. Read John 3:16.
Jesus lived a really long time ago in the Holy Land. He taught a lot of people to be nice to each other. He told stories, called parables, to help people understand about heaven and how they should live. A bunch of guys called Pharisees thought that he was dissing God by calling himself God's son (they called it blasphemy), so they plotted to kill him. One of Jesus' closest friends helped the Roman soldiers capture Jesus for about 12 bucks. The Romans were fair about it, though, and gave the people of Rome the choice to free either Jesus, or a guy who was thrown in jail for murder; they chose to free the murderer.
Jesus was publicly humiliated in front of loads of people, and was nailed to a cross. Even when all this had happened, he still asked God to forgive everybody for treating him like a criminal.
Jesus was one of the most influential men in history. Our modern day calendar is based on his birth. About 30% of the world's population hail Jesus as God. They say he performed many miracles and even came back from the dead. The Christian religion states that Jesus died for the forgiveness of sins, and that even if you are a terrible person in this world, as long as you believe in him as Christ, you will be forgiven and will go to heaven.
Even if you don't believe Jesus is the Messiah, you've got to admit, he was a pretty cool guy and inspired millions of people to be nicer.
Jesus says, "Love that guy that trash-canned you back in 9th grade
The guy who came and died on the cross to pay the debt of my sins.
In the court...
Judge: Danapal, you have a debt.
Danapal: Yes,I am sorry, it won't happen again.
Jesus walks in and hands the judge the money I owe.
Danapal: Thank you Jesus!
1. Jesus is a Hebrew name, which means "the Lord saves."more...
2. He is believed to be the "Messiah"(or Ha-Mashia) that had been foretold and written by the prophets in astounding accuracy from birth to death and resurrection on scrolls thousands of years before it came to pass. Jews do not believe Jesus as the Messiah and are still waiting for the Messiah to come. Three major books that Jews and Christians read are the books of the Law (Torah), the Prophets (Nevi'im), and the Writings (Kethuvim). The two groups disagree because Jews are waiting for a ruler to come and be enthroned as a ruler forever according to II Samuel 7:16: "Your house and your kingdom will endure forever." It was nearly unimaginable for anyone at that time to even think a Messiah would die in a death sentence shamefully stripped naked amongst the criminals. It's, however, written in Isiah: "he was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter... he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."
3. Jesus Christ is NOT the first and the last name. Christ means the "Anointed One" - Aramaic word for Messiah. Jesus is the Christ, the Anointed One. Long ago, Israel had three offices that were anointed. They were the priests, prophets, and the kings. Therefore, Christ is the ultimate Anointed One who who's had all three functions: 1) Priest= ...