The Savior of Mankind, who died on the cross for our sins... AFTER he had spun a saga so great that it would become the greatest legend ever told.

Jesus was born Jesse Howard Hayes on October 24th, 1968, in the small town of Gas City, Indiana, near the I69 Speedway. At a young age he discovered he had powers far beyond those of mortal men, in a schoolyard scrap with his arch enemy at the time, Little Willy Crudder. Crudder was vaporized after a short scuffle, and Jesse was sent to live with his Aunt Martha and Uncle Jonathan Kent on their farm. After several years there in obscurity, his uncle has a heart attack, and Jesse hears a psychic call telling him to travel to the north, far beyond the arctic circle to discover his origins. He finds a giant iceberg and a crystal, and it builds a Fortress of Solitude for him where he gets a message from his father, who happens to be the god of the Christians (no, not Tony Alamo).

The Christian god, whose name is not known because speaking it would bind his power to the speaker, tells Jesse that he needs to travel through time to stop the Romans from continuing their lifestyle of awesome orgies and wine tasting. Jesse says he will do it, and changes his name to Jesus before he steps into the time warp. Jesus travels back to the year 2 BC, appearing naked in a deserted alley. His first encounter with the ancient people was shocking to him. Near a tavern, he entered wearing absolutely nothing, his muscles rippling with...

the man who infact looks like jesus,is small like a baby and has the name stevie. he is equivelent to god but yet stevie baby jesus is an atheist. term first used in 2007 at mosinee middle school.

1. Originally from the Kevin Smith movie "Dogma". In the film, Cardinal Glick, during his "Catholicism WOW!" campaign to move the church towards a younger, "hipper" demographic, suggest replacing the crucifix with a new image of Christ. This version is grinning like an infomercial host, with one hand thumbs up and one hand doing a phony Hollywood "Bang-bang" gesture. Imagine Jesus if he were subject to Neilsen ratings.

2. Anyone who possesses all the false charm and lack of genuine quality as personified by the icon represented in definition 1; for example, that phony cockbite where you work. It helps if they walk around all the time acting like only THEY can save you/the corporation/Earth/Jimmy Olsen. Martyrdom: It's a good gig if you can get it.

syn. buddy jesus

1. Originally from the Kevin Smith movie "Dogma". In the film, Cardinal Glick, during his "Catholicism WOW!" campaign to move the church towards a younger, "hipper" demographic, suggest replacing the crucifix with a new image of Christ. This version is grinning like an infomercial host, with one hand thumbs up and one hand doing a phony Hollywood "Bang-bang" gesture. Imagine Jesus if he were subject to Neilsen ratings.

2. Anyone who possesses all the false charm and lack of genuine quality as personified by the icon represented in definition 1; for example, that phony cockbite where you work. It helps if they walk around all the time acting like only THEY can save you/the corporation/Earth/Jimmy Olsen. Martyrdom: It's a good gig if you can get it.

1) Technique used by popular Christian bands to 'sneak' Jesus or religious themes into their music.

2) The act of stealthily slipping a crucifix into the anus of one's partner during sexual intimacy.

1. An expression that means "oh my gosh" or "holy cow." Usually used when one party surprises another.

2. A unit of measurement on the tit scale. A rating system for people and things.

Jesus is the Son of God. He was a man that reformed Judaism and was hated for his radical changes. He established a bond between God and his people that has been umatched. Over 2 Billion people acknowledge he is God and over 3.5 Billion acknowledge his divinity. Jesus was perfect in any way, and in recent Godless times, has become a common object of ridicule among non-believers. Praised by Chrstians and Muslims as a messanger of/from God, he established a new variety of Judaism (now called Christianity) which came together in the early 2nd century as the One True Holy and Apostolic Church (Now known as the Roman Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Church)(110AD - 140AD) and writings about his life first appeared in the first century (60-90AD). Preached against the old "eye for an eye" ideology and taught a new "turn the other cheek" attitude. Later disputes about his intentions with his people supurred a "refomartion" in which many people broke away from the Catholic Church and established Protestantism (commonly reffered to by the generic name of "Christians" in the U.S., since there are many denominations (Lutheran, Presbyterian, Baptist, Methodist, Episcopalian, +32,000 more denominations) to the point where many of the groups are not recognized if called by their formal names). Protestants have lately earned a bad name for their "excessive preaching" to non-bel...