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Fascinating intellectual breakthroughs regarding reality, language, existence, knowledge, perception, or human behavior which are completely unprovable and utterly without use, and therefore of no real consequence to anyone. See also: philosophy

Etymology: the mental counterpart to masturbation; i.e. a process that is very pleasurable but hasn't accomplished anything at the end.
The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis states that language influences human thought, so that native speakers of different languages think about concepts in incommensurably distinct modes. Linguists and psychologists contend fiercely over the validity of this claim, oblivious to the fact that it is intellectual masturbation.
by samd12345 August 04, 2007
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2
speaking for the sole pleasure of listening to yourself and showing off your supposed intellectual and linguistic capacities.
John continually goes on about the merits of Times New Roman. He does so in a completely self-absorbed, disinterested tone.

John- (weary tone) "You simply can't comprehend the intrinsic value of Times New Roman font to our society and the way we decipher the world. There is evidently a plethora of ways it has effected our daily experiences."

Tim- "John, do cease your intellectual masturbation. It bores me to an umpteenth degree. My finely tuned ears were not designed for your incessant blabber."
by Harrisburg Dairies December 15, 2011
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3
an activity or sport where the primary result is the actor feeling intellectually superior or abnormally arrogant for absolutely no reason. This can be achieved by wearing fancy clothing, using vocabulary that no one else would ever use, or using titles that make absolutely no sense.
Guy 1: Hey dude! How was that class debate?
Guy 2: It was freaking awesome. It was pure intellectual Masturbation.
by alexrider March 09, 2015
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4
Word used by stupid, narrow minded and superficial people to describe things that's hard for them to understand.
Billy: The Socratic Dialogues about Good and Justice are the product of intellectual masturbation.

Bob: But philosophy has put the basis of lawmaking and it's believed to be the mother of science, why do you use this derogatory term?

Billy: Uhh, whatever dude! I have more interesting things to do than listening to your bs! w00t! I am going to eat some salami and masturbate on some amateur porn! w00t!
by intdes April 25, 2010
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5
Either debating/arguing/discussing about things(for more than a short bit of time) that don't matter, or debating/arguing/discussing about things that matter without taking any action.
Examples of "Intellectual Masturbation":

Debating/arguing/discussing about things that don't matter:
Jeremy: did you hear about the new stabbing?
Zoey: yeah, it is really terrible... I wonder why this keeps happening? people in the world... are sometimes so unpredictable.
Jeremy: Yeah... I hear you. I hope nothing like this happens again. Damn... those things are just so awful...

or

Jeremy: So my friend made a theater room in his apartment and they barely watch anything there.
Zoey: I would actually watch stuff in a theater room if I had one.

or

Jeremy: I think League of Legends is better than Dota
Zoey: I think Dota is better than League of Legends
Jeremy: Ok, let's give our full opinion and discuss exactly why we think they way we do.

Debating/arguing/discussing about things that matter without taking any action:
Jeremy: our system is broken... we really need to fix it. People need to be nicer to each other.
Zoey: You are So right. Change has to happen
Jeremy: Anyway... I gotta go to my 9 to 5 job. Wanna watch the new episode of Game of Thrones later?
Zoey: Yeah. Gonna go to study literature, I hope to become a book author. Maybe I'll even write a book about how the world needs to change.
Jeremy: Catch you later!
Zoey: Bye bye!
by JohnSmith532452452 October 31, 2015
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6
Reading or hearing something one does not understand and dismissing it as useless, calling it "philosophy" as an insult, then falling for every media pronouncement and logical fallacy as being profound or meaningful.
Ayn: To love is to value.

Sam: Huh? You mean you have to pay for it? Philosophy sucks! That's just intellectual masturbation.

Nan: We have to pass the bill to find out what's in it.

Sam: Makes sense to me. That's deep.
by Patriot-X April 25, 2010
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7
Talking to hear the sound of your own voice. See mental masturbation or bullshit.
He went on and on about how many uses he had for an avacado and a water pik, but we didn't want to hear about that intellectual masturbation
by Bur Seliu June 07, 2006
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